#1 humor site on the 'net

Paint Specialist

I'm pretty sure there's another way to do this...

Paint Specialist thanks to Keith Blake

Juan to get it done quickly? Make do with who you got...

QuotaBills
Too clever is dumb. - Ogden Nash

Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

Only dumb people are happy. - Courtney Love

Love is being stupid together. - Paul Valery

Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal. - Leo Tolstoy

Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run. - Unknown

Though patrician, he was also stupid. - Greek Proverb

Every good painter paints what he is. - Rembrandt Van Rijn

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid. - Terry Bradshaw

Keep the paint up, and the rubber down. - Unknown

Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

What is this, an audience or an oil painting? - Milton Berle

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. - Voltaire

I hardly ever stretch the canvas before painting. - Jackson Pollock

There are lessons to be learned from a stupid man. - Horace

Vanish: An invisible substance you paint on fences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can't fix stupid - not even with duct tape. - Unknown

Mexico's making a fortune off the United States. - Donald Trump

Poultry is for the cook what canvas is for the painter. - Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. - George Bernard Shaw

Painting is stronger than me, it makes me do its bidding. - Pablo Picasso

I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. - Unknown

Wiener: The first to cross the line in a Mexican horse race - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Baby I paint the sky blue
My greatest creation was you. - Jay-Z

If I could say it in words there would be no reason to paint. - Edward Hopper

In the end it's more fun to be the painter than the paint. - George Clooney

Dubm Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Mexican marijuana, which he called the schoolboy's consolation. - James Purdy

My driving abilities from Mexico have helped me get through Hollywood. - Salma Hayek

A painting is never finished — it simply stops in interesting places. - Paul Gardner

You should not paint the chair, but only what someone has felt about it. - Edvard Munch

No man can be a pure specialist without being in the strict sense an idiot. - George Bernard Shaw

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

In a democracy the majority has every right to act as stupid as the minority. - Frank Dane

Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never unhappy. - Edward Abbey

Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person. - Chanakya

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to. - Louis C.K.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

As a child, I always chose a false nose and some face paint and a wig for my birthday. - Ashley Jensen

To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it. - George Bernard Shaw

The specialist is too commonly hypertrophied in one direction and atrophied in all the rest. - Martin H. Fischer

Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. - Sam Levenson

Human beings can always be relied upon to exert, with vigor, their God-given right to be stupid. - Dean Koontz

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

It's not your painting anymore. It stopped being your painting the moment that you finished it. - Jeff Melvoin

Although I am not stupid, the mathematical side of my brain is like dumb notes upon a damaged piano. - Margot Asquith

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

I think the shocking thing to discover is the owls are not stupid and very feral, very hard to train. - Robbie Coltrane

TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public. - Douglas Coupland

A man must be both stupid and uncharitable who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side. - Joseph Addison

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but do not forget. - Thomas Szasz

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. - Mark Twain

The minute there's a map, there is no art. Paint by numbers is not art. Paint by numbers is a mechanical activity. - Seth Godin

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain't nothing can beat teamwork. - Mark Twain

Thanksgiving is the language of heaven, and we had better start to learn it if we are not to be mere dumb aliens there. - AJ Gossip

If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. - Vincent Van Gogh

If there be a God, I think that what he would like me to do is paint as much of the map of Africa British red as possible. - Cecil Rhodes

Mexican, Mediterranean, Italian, sushi, I love it all. Put it on a plate, and as long as I know what it is, I will eat it. - Camren Bicondova

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady, and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. - P.J. O'Rourke

If one can only see things according to one's own belief system, one is destined to become virtually deaf, dumb, and blind. - Robert A. Wilson

Self-consciousness is the enemy of all art, be it acting, writing, painting, or living itself, which is the greatest art of all. - Ray Bradbury

When it began, cubism was a sort of analysis, which was no more painting than the description of physical phenomena was physics. - Juan Gris

The technology keeps moving forward, which makes it easier for the artists to tell their stories and paint the pictures they want. - George Lucas

The talk you hear about adapting to change is not only stupid, it's dangerous. The only way you can manage change is to create it. - Peter F Drucker

At some point in life the world's beauty becomes enough. You don't need to photograph, paint or even remember it. It is enough. - Toni Morrison

You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering, stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. - Dylan Moran

Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders. - Sloan Wilson

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright


Kid Suction

Redneck Moving Truck

Critter Control

Lost Dog

Nail Chair

Looking For Something?

Yellow Pet

Race Break

Fuse Bypass

Good Boy

British Tea Party

Roadside Assistance

Chair Boy

Cheers Beer

African Airstrip

Horsepower vs Torque

Filling Up Is OverRated

Flywood

Ukraine Aid

Handicap Motorcyclist

Auto Warranty: New Extend-ed Coverage

Messerschmitt

UNinvolved

Plane Oops!