#1 humor site on the 'net

Gene Lifeguard

Swimming hazards in the Gene Pool

Gene Lifeguard thanks to Chris Kane

QuotaBills
It's all in the genes. - Unknown

The family is one of nature's masterpieces. - George Santayana

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. - Bill Watterson

Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community. - Archie Bunker

I would give everything if I could only keep my family. - Johnny Depp

My parents were neither very poor nor conspicuously honest. - Mark Twain

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights. - J Paul Getty

There is never a problem child; there is only a problem parent. - A.S. Neill

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. - Herbert Hoover

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. - Oscar Wilde

Gentility is what is left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone. - John Ciardi

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. - Rita Rudner

The meek shall inherit the world, but they'll never increase market share. - William G McGowan

Those who inherit fortunes are often more troublesome than those who make them. - African Saying

Conventions are like coins, an easy way of dealing with the commerce of relations. - Freya Stark

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. - Cicero

It is a desirable thing to be well-descended, but the glory belongs to our ancestors. - Plutarch

I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here. - Bill Watterson

No man can cause more grief than one clinging blindly to the voices of his ancestors. - William Faulkner

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings. - Hodding S. Carter

Character is better than ancestry, and personal conduct is of more importance than the highest. - Thomas J. Barnardo

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. - Lane Olinghouse

There's a lot of baggage that comes along with our family, but it's Louis Vuitton baggage. - Kim Kardashian

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it. - Kim Hubbard

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Until you become a parent, you can't begin to discover your capacity for strength, love and fatigue. - Peter Gallagher

Parents should leave books lying around marked "forbidden" if they want their children to read. - Doris Lessing

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

The unjustifiable severity of a parent is loaded with this aggravation, that those whom he injures are always in his sight. - Joseph Addison

The family should be a place where each new human being can have an early atmosphere conducive to the development of constructive creativity. - Edith Schaeffer

Clay. It's rain, dead leaves, dust, all my dead ancestors. Stones that have been ground into sand. Mud. The whole cycle of life and death. - Martine Vermeulen

What ya eat ain't got nuttin' to do with how old ya are. That all depends on your ancestors. It's what they call a matter of heresy. - Archie Bunker

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

I can't help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves. - Oscar Wilde


Sick Statue

I Will Never Understand Fashion

Courtesy Option

Ab Enhancer

Family Planning Advice

Cracks Me Up

Anger Release Machine

Closing Time

Palm Sunday Social Distancing Service

Beach Breakfast

Bicycle Dining

Shark Bike

Thrilling Read

Extra Weight

Yoga's Balanced Lifestyle

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

Souped Up Car

Darth VadeHer

Submergible

Happy People

Today's Paper Read Yesterday

Someone Is Upset

Texas Diet

Moose Crossing