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Fine Mess

Political humor in the United States

Fine Mess thanks to Tim Smith

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All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

Liberty, Equality, Fraternity! - Unknown

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Voters want a fraud they can believe in. - Will Durst

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams

Comedy is society protecting itself - with a smile. - J.B. Priestley

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

I don't go around signin' no political documentaries. - Archie Bunker

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. - Milton Berle

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman, and a pretty girl. - Charlie Chaplin

To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy. - Will Durant

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger

Democracy is when the indigent, and not the men of property, are the rulers. - Aristotle

In a democracy the majority has every right to act as stupid as the minority. - Frank Dane

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? - Dick Cavett

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. - H L Mencken

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. - Mel Brooks

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck

I am on your Walk of Fame in Toronto. My sense of humour is Canadian. But I can't vote. - Donald Sutherland

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

To acquire immunity to eloquence is of the utmost importance to the citizens of a democracy. - Bertrand Russell

Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end. - Sid Caesar

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity. - Irving Kristol

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. - Caskie Stinnett

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. - Victor Hugo

I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. - H L Mencken

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote. - Benjamin Franklin

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

A party of order or stability, and a party of progress or reform, are both necessary elements of a healthy state of political life. - John Stuart Mill

Papers say: 'Congress is deadlocked and can't act.' I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this country. - Will Rogers

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. - Isaac Asimov


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