Concealed Weapon

Bacon is meat candy. - Unknown

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

You always know how to make me Snickers. - Unknown

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? - Steven Wright

Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself. - Unknown

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - George Burns

Shooting Star: A famous actor who uses his gun too often - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. - Jules de Gaultier

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? - Steven Wright

Fan Club: Weapon used by a celebrity to beat off too many fans - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite

Diploma: 1. Da man dat fixes your pipes; 2. A job-hunting license. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. - Unknown

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain

Stories are the single most powerful weapon in a leader's arsenal. - Howard Gardner

Your heaviest artillery will be your will to live. Keep that big gun going. - Norman Cousins

Leadership is intangible, and therefore no weapon ever designed can replace it. - Omar N. Bradley

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

It's better to have a gun and need it, than to not have a gun and not need it. - Ricky

Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game. - Paul Rodriguez

You can see the true heart of a man when you're out in the woods with a weapon. - Jase Robertson

Husband-hunting: A sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed. - Joseph Stalin

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded. - Tyne Daly

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. - Frank Lloyd Wright

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. - Bjarne Stroustrup

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

I am getting to an age when I can only enjoy the last sport left. It is called 'hunting for your spectacles.' - Edward Grey

Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas. - Joseph Stalin

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. - John Leonard

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single. - Tiny Tim

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien