#1 humor site on the 'net

What Do You Want For Christmas?

Now that I have your complete attention...

What Do You Want For Christmas? thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb

Children need models rather than critics. - Joseph Joubert

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

Our children are only as brilliant as we allow them to be. - Eric Micha'el Leventhal

There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children. - George Burns

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us. - Stephen Colbert

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

My children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. - Erma Bombeck

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. - Maya Angelou

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. - Unknown

The affection you get back from children is sixpence given as change for a sovereign. - Edith Nesbit

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings. - Hodding S. Carter

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. - H. Jackson Brown

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

A man who gives his children habits of industry provides for them better than by giving them a fortune. - Richard Whately

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

I've enjoyed many camping holidays with my sister and her children, but we're pretty posh campers. - Erin O'Connor

The best thing I've ever done? Well, I've created four beautiful children. You mean, other than that? - Donald Trump

Imagine if you succeeded in making the world perfect for your children what a shock the rest of life would be for them. - Joyce Maynard

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori

If I had one wish for my children, it would be that each of them would reach for goals that have meaning for them as individuals. - Lillian Carter

Prayer turns ordinary parents into prophets who shape the destinies of their children, grandchildren, and every generation that follows. - Mark Batterson

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. - Phyllis Diller

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah


2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Gone To Market

Peak Bernie

Female IT Experts

Obi-Juan Kenobi

Fuse ReplaceMeant

Student Food Strainer

IBITE

Slide-n-Freeze

Lizard Guitar

Electricity Storage

How To Sharpen Pencils

Chevforodge

Free Stuff

Baby Bird Chorus

Hang On

Home Depot Delivery

Sea Painting

Radish Camouflage

Canadian Twins

Big Birth - They Start Off Big At This Hospital

Not Stuck

Motorcycle For Sale

Dog Cross