What Do You Want For Christmas?

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot

Never have children, only grandchildren. - Gore Vidal

Joy Ride: Going somewhere without the kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

Wok The Dog: Specialty at Vietnamese Restaurants - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

Women should not have children after 35. Really? 35 children is enough. - Bill Murray

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be. - Carol Coats

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. - Rita Rudner

Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age. - William Feather

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

If you're going to write a book on how to raise children, do it before you have them. - Bob McLaren

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

Children are not a distraction for more important work. They are the most important work. - C S Lewis

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean. - Zach Galifianakis

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. - Fran Lebowitz

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

A children's story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children's story in the slightest. - C S Lewis

Whatever happened to a sense of idealism and embracing an idea that will help people and, in this case, children? - Rod Blagojevich

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education. - Plato

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me. - Agatha Trunchbull

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I've seen whales calving in the waters off Maui, and I've watched my children being born. But music is the most beautiful thing of all. - Steven Tyler

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com