What Do You Want For Christmas?

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Children make you want to start life over. - Muhammad Ali

Joy Ride: Going somewhere without the kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

The worst children are always somebody else's. - Unknown

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

You see much more of your children once they leave home. - Lucille Ball

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable. - Quentin Crisp

Children should neither be seen nor heard from - ever again. - WC Fields

What you teach your children, you also teach their children. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A hot dog at the ballpark is better than a steak at the Ritz. - Humphrey Bogart

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you. - Dick Cavett

The quickest way to become an old dog is to stop learning new tricks. - John Rooney

I have very good executives and great children. They're very good. - Donald Trump

Too many of today's children have straight teeth and crooked morals. - Unknown

Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep. - H Jackson Brown, Jr.

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father. - Pope John XXIII

Grandchildren are God's rewards to grandparents for not shooting their children. - Unknown

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. - Unknown

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

It's triple the Trump this season... I invited my children, Don Jr. and Ivanka into the boardroom. - Donald Trump

If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money. - Abigail Van Buren

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

Parents should leave books lying around marked "forbidden" if they want their children to read. - Doris Lessing

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia