#1 humor site on the 'net

Son Shine

You are my ray of light

Son Shine thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
Minimum: A small mother - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Everyone is the son of his own works. - Miguel de Cervantes

As is the mother, so is her daughter. - Bible

Necessity is the mother of attraction. - Luke McKissack

Ignorance is the mother of admiration. - George Chapman

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. - Mark Twain

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

I know how to do anything - I'm a mom. - Roseanne Barr

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. - Unknown

You trust your mother, but you cut the cards. - Unknown

An ounce of mother is worth a tone of priest. - Spanish Proverb

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

Forgive, son: men are men; they needs must err. - Euripides

Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. - Oprah Winfrey

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all. - Unknown

The titular head... that's the mother, ain't it? - Archie Bunker

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

A false friend and a shadow attend only while the sun shines. - Benjamin Franklin

To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

My mother was my role model before I even knew what that word was. - Lisa Leslie

I unapologetically and unabashedly am deeply biased toward my mother. - Chelsea Clinton

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

No one else, ever, will think you're great the way your mother does. - Mary Matalin

We live under the sun, but our destiny is beyond its rising and setting. - David Jeremiah

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. - Beverly Jones

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

A man hath no better thing under the sun than to eat, drink, and be merry. - Ecclesiastes 8:15

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

My mom told me a long time ago, 'Never get in a fight with a lady.' - Oliver North

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson

I want to stay curled and cosied and chocolated... forever in my mother's arms. - Sanober Khan

Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Farmers don't just work til the sun goes down; they work til the job gets done. - Unknown

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold. - Jody Defries

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

Mother is the heartbeat in the home; and without her, there seems to be no heart throb. - Leroy Brownlow

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

The choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is. - Oprah Winfrey

The older I grow, the more I realize that my mother is the best 'best friend' that I ever had. - Unknown

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

You really don't need to study how to change a diaper. As a new mom, you learn pretty darn quickly! - Ivanka Trump

If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars. - Rabindranath Tagore

Food: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Drunk Man: "I can't bear fools."
Dorothy Parker: "Apparently your mother could." - Dorothy Parker

What greater aspiration and challenge are there for a mother than the hope of raising a great son or daughter? - Rose Kennedy

Too much sun after a Syracuse winter does strange things to your head, makes you feel strong, even if you aren't. - Laurie H. Anderson

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles. - Samuel Smiles

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed. - Linda Wooten

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love. - William Shakespeare

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes

The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago had they happened to be within the reach of predatory human hands. - Havelock Ellis

Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look 'like a tramp' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

After every storm the sun will smile; for every problem there is a solution, and the soul's indefeasible duty is to be of good cheer. - William R. Alger

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

The most beautiful word on the lips of mankind is the word 'Mother', and the most beautiful call is the call of 'My Mother'. - Kahlil Gibran

Today was about chasing sun-rays, beach waves, and sunsets. All things beautiful that give you peace are worth chasing. Everything else isn't. - April M. Monterrosa

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. - Hafez


Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Indiana Bones

Raxe

Halloween Horse

Holding His Own Portraits

Kung Fu Driver

Ford Quadricycle

Redneck Hayride

Ice Boat

Atom Trust

Electricity Storage

Be Patient

Can Never Have Too Many Tools

Roller Blade Heels

Pedal Car Mechanic

Winterpeg Warm

Box Biker

Ice Hockey Meltdown

Swingers

Patience and Wisdom

Hippo Race

Tank Top Security

Bus Office

I Lost My Job With Lifeline