#1 humor site on the 'net

Shower Bar

On Doctor's Orders

Yesterday I had my annual medical checkup. The Doctor said that, at my age, I should have a bar in the shower. So I took his advice.
Shower Bar thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

If God forbade drinking, would He have made wine so good? - Cardinal Richelieu

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison


Uncommon Name

DMV Office

Meat You In The Locker Room

Football Chicks

Baby's Dog Rug

Chair Folders

Seeing Eye Cat

Swim Fingers

Vatican Wall

Computer Multitasker - He Be Da' Man!

Modern Romance

T-Shirt Answer

Handbell Registration

Spamdex Pork Shorts

What's Your Blues Name?

Big Sister vs Big Brother

Growing Own Pot

Boat Tram

Duct Tape Wall Bed

Pilot Lounge

How Do You Like Your Steak?

Chopper Bike

Bed Bug

Truck Load