#1 humor site on the 'net

Shower Bar

On Doctor's Orders

Yesterday I had my annual medical checkup. The Doctor said that, at my age, I should have a bar in the shower. So I took his advice.
Shower Bar thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

That one kind of grapes on my nerves. - Archie Bunker

Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright


No Extras Massage

Gooooooooooogle Air

Hot Tub Hangups

Scenery Cut and Paste

Origin of the Whoopee Cushion

Better With A Beard

Canadian Winter Smile

Monkey Morning

Snow Geese

Walk The Line

Darth Vader Cool

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Cutting Edge Table

Wine Signs

Ring Seating

Snow Aerobics

25 Toes

Wedding Cake Dress

Bacon Soda Sales

Wet Insect

Chinese New Year Greetings

Gun Laws

Mounted Deer Antlers

Anti-Theft Car