#1 humor site on the 'net

Shower Bar

On Doctor's Orders

Yesterday I had my annual medical checkup. The Doctor said that, at my age, I should have a bar in the shower. So I took his advice.
Shower Bar thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
In wine, there is truth. - Pliny the Elder

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


Tel Aviv Luxury Penthouse

Caffeine Boosters

Head Path

Proper English

Reese Witherspoon

Phones At Six

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Whiskey Lurks Good

Tetris Couch

Canadian Alphabet

Love Rocks

Benadryl Cumquat

In It For The Long Haul

Ready Soon

Mud Flops

Been Lapped

How To Use The New 1940 Dial Telephone

Garmin Drive

Redneck Bucket List

Rotating Illusion - Pink Eye Trick

Boneless Bananas

That's My Bed

Eye For Coffee