Say No To Gasoline

Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hypocrisy is the lubricant of society. - David Hull

Irony regards every simple truth as a challenge. - Mason Cooley

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. - Doug Hamwell

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

Two fundamental literary qualities: supernaturalism and irony. - Charles Baudelaire

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

Current Events: 1. What an electrician worries about; 2. Electric shocks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We're all just ghosts on a wire seeking the prick of an electric thought. - Robert Fanney

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. - Bill Nye

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain. - Oscar Wilde

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

HonkoSecond: The time between the light turning green and the sound from the car horn behind you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

The salesman knows nothing of what he is selling save that he is charging a great deal too much for it. - Oscar Wilde

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

The irony of the matter is that the future generations do not have a vote. In effect, we hold their proxy. - Charles J Hitch

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

I find capitalism repugnant. It is filthy, it is gross, it is alienating... because it causes war, hypocrisy and competition. - Fidel Castro

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

Why is sunset more colorful than sunrise? It's an irony of life saying, "Sometimes, good things happen in goodbyes." - Unknown

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

If you don't value your time, neither will others. Stop giving away your time and talents. Value what you know and start charging for it. - Kim Garst

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com