Say No To Gasoline

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy. - Ambrose Bierce

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

A hypocrite is a man who pays his taxes with a smile. - Will Rogers

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. - Doug Hamwell

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. - Bill Nye

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain. - Oscar Wilde

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. - Agnes Repplier

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. - Margaret Thatcher

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

The salesman knows nothing of what he is selling save that he is charging a great deal too much for it. - Oscar Wilde

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy. - Oscar Wilde

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

If you don't value your time, neither will others. Stop giving away your time and talents. Value what you know and start charging for it. - Kim Garst