In Stitches

Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You got a very warfed sense of humor. - Archie Bunker

Humor is the most engaging cowardice. - Robert Frost

Humor is a painful thing told playfully. - Charles W Jarvis

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. - Mark Twain

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Our humor turns our anger into a fine art. - Mary Kay Blakely

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

I think God has a tremendous sense of humor. - Rainn Wilson

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten

Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. - James Thurber

Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

A sense of humour is the ability to laugh at one's self. - Charlie Chaplin

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor. - Edward Albee

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. - Fred Allen

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Bad humour is an evasion of reality; good humour is an acceptance of it. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. - Bill Nye

Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing. - Allen Klein

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

I want someone who can keep me on my toes, has a good sense of humor and a good heart. - Carmen Electra

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

Faith handles the ultimate incongruities of life, humor handles the more immediate ones. - William S Coffin

My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony. - Maurice Sendak

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn? - Bob Hope

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. - Agnes Repplier

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor. - Teri Garr

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts. - Sarah Silverman

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

Companies need to lighten up and take themselves less seriously. They need to get a sense of humor. - Unknown

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to. - George Saunders

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. - Robert Benchley

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William Arthur Ward

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

Two things are important for missionaries: (1) they have a sense of humour; and (2) the have no sense of smell. - Phil Callaway

Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana. - Lana Turner

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

Smiling is definitely one of the best beauty remedies. If you have a good sense of humor and a good approach to life, that's beautiful. - Rashida Jones

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind. - E.B. White

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise