In Stitches

Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Humor is a universal language. - Joel Goodman

The secret to humor is surprise. - Aristotle

Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

Puns are a form of humor with words. - Guillermo C. Infante

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. - Mark Twain

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. - Max Eastman

Humor is just another defense against the universe. - Mel Brooks

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb

This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humour section. - John Callahan

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. - Mignon McLaughlin

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. - Edward de Bono

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. - Fred Allen

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Good humor is one of the preservatives of our peace and tranquility. - Thomas Jefferson

The next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it. - Frank A. Clark

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society. - William M Thackeray

Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it. - Langston Hughes

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried

No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humour. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. - Mark Twain

Humour is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. - Mary Hirsch

Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. - Bill Nye

Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing. - Allen Klein

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

Faith handles the ultimate incongruities of life, humor handles the more immediate ones. - William S Coffin

My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony. - Maurice Sendak

I think superheroes are heroes with flaws, and in their flaws, there is a sense of humor. - Peter Segal

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor. - Thomas W. Higginson

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. - Don Rickles

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud. - Jesse Ventura

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield

The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood. - Lou Holtz

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. - Mark Twain

Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana. - Lana Turner

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

I have never understood why it should be considered derogatory to the Creator to suppose that he has a sense of humor. - Ralph Inge

I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive. - Anne W. Schaef

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor. - George Jean Nathan

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator's place and laugh at his own misfortune. - Bert Williams

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

Smiling is definitely one of the best beauty remedies. If you have a good sense of humor and a good approach to life, that's beautiful. - Rashida Jones

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler