#1 humor site on the 'net

In Stitches

Does your Doctor have a good sense of humour?

In Stitches thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You got a very warfed sense of humor. - Archie Bunker

Humor is the most engaging cowardice. - Robert Frost

Humor is a painful thing told playfully. - Charles W Jarvis

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. - Mark Twain

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Our humor turns our anger into a fine art. - Mary Kay Blakely

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

I think God has a tremendous sense of humor. - Rainn Wilson

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten

Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. - James Thurber

Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

A sense of humour is the ability to laugh at one's self. - Charlie Chaplin

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor. - Edward Albee

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. - Fred Allen

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Bad humour is an evasion of reality; good humour is an acceptance of it. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. - Bill Nye

Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing. - Allen Klein

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

I want someone who can keep me on my toes, has a good sense of humor and a good heart. - Carmen Electra

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

Faith handles the ultimate incongruities of life, humor handles the more immediate ones. - William S Coffin

My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony. - Maurice Sendak

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn? - Bob Hope

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. - Agnes Repplier

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor. - Teri Garr

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts. - Sarah Silverman

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

Companies need to lighten up and take themselves less seriously. They need to get a sense of humor. - Unknown

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to. - George Saunders

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. - Robert Benchley

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William Arthur Ward

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

Two things are important for missionaries: (1) they have a sense of humour; and (2) the have no sense of smell. - Phil Callaway

Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana. - Lana Turner

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

Smiling is definitely one of the best beauty remedies. If you have a good sense of humor and a good approach to life, that's beautiful. - Rashida Jones

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind. - E.B. White

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise


WipeOut

Turtle Truck

How To Burn Fat

Unplugged

Praying & Preying Mantis

Good Driver

Overpass Passover

Fire Starter

Sinus Remedy - How To Clear Out Your Nostrils

Auto Strap

Never Run a Red Light

Bee Safe

Hummers Only Look Tough

Tactical Texas

Defence Budget Cuts

Welfare State

No Flies On Me

Stick Family Meal

Wet Floor

Lord Of The Watch

Close Encounters of the Whale Kind

Military Watch Tower

No Go Intersection

Public Transportation In Scotland