#1 humor site on the 'net

Home Invasion Kit

Liberal way to defend your home

A liberal friend asked me what I thought he might need in order to defend his home and family from home invasion. I suggested a couple of clips, a 9mm, and a box of shells. A few days later he sent me this picture and asked me how to make it all work.
Home Invasion Kit thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
I only direct in self-defense. - Mel Brooks

Those who trade liberty for security have neither. - John Adams

Humor is just another defense against the universe. - Mel Brooks

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. - Unknown

Man has no nobler function than to defend the truth. - Mahalia Jackson

Protect your enthusiasm from the negativity of others. - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. - Elbert Hubbard

A woman's best protection is a little money of her own. - Clare B Luce

You used so much oil the U.S. is trying to invade the plate. - Gordon Ramsay

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

The role of the artist today is to defend feeling against the machine. - Marty Rubin

An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come. - Victor Hugo

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. - John Kenneth Galbraith

He prefers the security of known misery to the misery of unfamiliar insecurity. - Sheldon B. Kopp

Idealism, alas, does not protect one from ignorance, dogmatism, and foolishness. - Sidney Hook

Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller

A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer. - Dean Acheson

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. - Voltaire

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. - Sigmund Freud

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

Hard work is the soundest investment. It provides a neat security for your widow's next husband. - Unknown

Humour is our way of defending ourselves from life's absurdities by thinking absurdly about them. - Lewis Mumford

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

Tariff: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. - Ambrose Bierce

Defending the truth is not something one does out of a sense of duty or to allay guilt complexes, but is a reward in itself. - Simone De Beauvoir

Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself if you wish to get others. - David Seabury

Accountant: 1. A noble insect; 2. A dutiful book balancer whose role within a corporation is to protect it from creative ideas. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My best security is within the munitions of an immutable Jehovah, where His unalterable promises stand like giant walls of rock. - Charles H. Spurgeon

Sir, your remarks are repugnant to me, and I disagree with your viewpoints. But I will defend to the death your right to express them. - Voltaire

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. - Oscar Ameringer

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama


A Beautiful Message About Growing Old

Ice Cream Rose

Wedding Pound Cake

Parking Justice

Is This Really Happening?!

The Explanation

High Strung Violinist

Deodorized Pads

Leteracy Night

Redneck Baby Carriage

Stealth Readers

Good Stuff Or Else

Productive Computers

Poodle Power

Trust Issues

Bacon Soda Sales

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

My Time

Lerts

Great White Socks

That's Not A Bagpipe!

Paint Protection

Balanced Writer

Jolly Good Recovery