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Having A Bad Day? thanks to Wayne Nowazek

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Asphalt: Rectum trouble. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

The elephant can survive only if forests survive. - Mark Shand

Anything related to elephants is irrelephant. - Unknown

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Elephino: Cross between an Elephant and a Rhinoceros - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

Before you eat the elephant, make sure you know what parts you want to eat. - Todd Stocker

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. - Herb Caen

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. - Steven Wright

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas.
How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know. - Groucho Marx

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

When you have an elephant by the hind legs and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run. - Abraham Lincoln

Rectitude: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

His wallet is more capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands on. - Blackadder

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

You describe the elephant by its size, but the mosquito by its impact. Even the smallest thing has an impact. - Celia Apeagyei-Collins

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle


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