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Fake News

And they should know...

Fake News thanks to Keith Blake

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Anything that consoles is fake. - Iris Murdoch

Moose are the squirrels of Alaska. - Tim Moon

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

The man who laughs has not yet heard the news. - Bertolt Brecht

How can I tell if humility is genuine or fake? - David J. Bobb

The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest. - Henry David Thoreau

The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck

All the real things in Russia are done in the villages. - Ernest Poole

Russia is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. - Winston Churchill

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back. - Bob Hope

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

I've had a lot of luck. If I didn't I'd be washing bottles in Russia. - Marat Safin

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

Many agree that the worst thing that could ever happen is if Russia and China get closer. - Donald Trump

Because the Empire controls the media, we can turn any news to the Emperor's advantage. - Daniel Wallace

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - Groucho Marx

I think Kazan is Russia's sportiest city after Moscow, leaving all the others far behind. - Marat Safin

I like to put on a wig or a fake mustache and do something silly with friends, do a little dance. - Tom Lenk

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

You know what they say in Hollywood - the most important thing is being sincere, even if you have to fake it. - Cesar Romero

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. - Unknown

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there. - Yakov Smirnoff

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

Why something in the public interest such as television news can be fought over, like a chain of hamburger stands, eludes me. - Jimmy Breslin

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

As you've noticed, people don't want to be sold. What people do want is news and information about the things they care about. - Larry Weber

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. - Ogden Nash

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff


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