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Ebola Can Be Eaten

Humour at the Sierra Leone Ebola Clinic

Ebola Can Be Eaten thanks to Paul Dhillon

QuotaBills
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown

Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Humanity is just a virus with shoes. - Bill Hicks

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

This virus just breaks all the rules. - Thomas Scott

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. - Maya Angelou

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

The single biggest threat to man's continued dominance on the planet is the virus. - Joshua Lederberg

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville


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