Where I Live

Marry money. - Max Shulman

Money doesn't talk, it swears. - Bob Dylan

A fool and his money are soon partying. - Steven Wright

Life is a game. Money is how we keep score. - Ted Turner

Oppression can only survive through silence. - Armen de Monteflores

Survival is a major contributor to longevity. - Unknown

Can you fix my husband? He says he's broke. - Unknown

All money is tainted, tain't none of it mine. - Thomas F. McGuire

The elephant can survive only if forests survive. - Mark Shand

To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. - W.J. Vogel

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. - Unknown

Money no longer talks. It just goes without saying. - George Humphrey

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper. - Scottish Saying

Minutes are worth more than money. Spend them wisely. - Thomas P Murphy

A father carries pictures where his money used to be. - Steve Martin

I can't afford to die - I'd lose too much money. - George Burns

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? - Unknown

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. - Bob Hope

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? - George Carlin

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. - WC Fields

When you ain't got no money, you gotta get an attitude. - Richard Pryor

You only have to survive in England and all is forgiven you. - Alan Bennett

When it is a matter of money, all men are of the same religion. - Voltaire

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repairing. - Billy Rose

A woman will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on. - Kin Hubbard

Who marries for love without money has merry nights and sorry days. - Scottish Proverb

The reappearance of the light is the same as the survival of the soul. - Victor Hugo

Business, that's easily defined - it's other people's money. - Peter F Drucker

Money can't buy you friends, but you can get a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money. - Joey Adams

You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive. - Sheryl Sandberg

There is no money in poetry, but then there is no poetry in money, either. - Robert Graves

Better one line that will survive the author than a hundred books outlived. - Unknown

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. - Jackie Mason

After I make a lot of money, I'll be able to afford running for office. - Christy Romano

There is a certain Buddhistic calm that comes from having money in the bank. - Tom Robbins

Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. - Robin Williams

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive. - Andy Grove

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. - Dorothy Parker

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. - Kin Hubbard

It's better to do nothing with your money than something you don't understand. - Suze Orman

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it. - Jay Leno

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. - Milton Berle

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The ballet toe shoe is one of the few instruments of torture to survive intact into our time. - Unknown

Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. - Kurt H Adler

It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them. - Bill Vaughan

Money can't buy happiness. But, it can buy a chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing. - Hanako Ishii

If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money. - Abigail Van Buren

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have. - Ernest Haskins

When I was young, I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is. - Oscar Wilde

Anything which is physically possible can always be made financially possible; money is a bugaboo of small minds. - Robert A. Heinlein

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

People confuse amassing money with security, but it is not so. What a pity to confuse real security with making money. - Billy Graham

I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success. - Ingrid Bergman

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. - Joan Rivers

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. - Woody Allen

Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat, lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you don't have a plan. - Larry Winget

Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it's reasonably close to oxygen on the "gotta have it" scale. - Zig Ziglar

There are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny - have you ever tried to buy them without money? - Ogden Nash

Happiness, not money or prestige, should be regarded as the ultimate currency - the currency by which we take measure of our lives. - Tal Ben-Shahar

Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly

I deal with foreign countries. I made a lot of money dealing against China. I've made a lot of money dealing against many other countries. - Donald Trump

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't need to advertise it. - Will Rogers

Commerce: A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. - Ambrose Bierce

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer