#1 humor site on the 'net

Two Foot Steaks

Extremely rare sneakers

Two Foot Steaks thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner. - H.S. Leigh

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach. - WC Fields

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

My favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations. - Unknown

He that waits upon fortune is never sure of a dinner. - Benjamin Franklin

Out for lunch. If not back by five, out for dinner also. - Unknown

We're eating dinner soon. Don't fill up on homework. - Alex Baze

A hot dog at the ballpark is better than a steak at the Ritz. - Humphrey Bogart

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. - Mike Myers

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Be prompt and you dine alone. - Gerald Barzan

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist. - G K Chesterton

I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world. - Oscar Wilde

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks. - Pierre Renoir

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. - James Beard

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. - Adelle Davis

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. - Oscar Wilde

Just because someone has fancy sneakers doesn't mean they can run faster. - Jon Bon Jovi

Couch Potato: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste. - Wes Smith

My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard

Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians, except for the occasional mountain lion steak. - Ted Nugent

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

The truly free man is the one who will turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse. - Jules Renard

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

I had a feeling once about mathematics – that I saw it all... but it was after dinner and I let it go. - Winston Churchill

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face.
That's the price she has to pay. - Groucho Marx

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. - H L Mencken

I'm into all that sappy stuff - a surprise picnic, nice dinner, or traveling. I'm kind of an old romantic. - Will Estes

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. - P.J. O'Rourke

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner. - WC Fields

It is very vulgar to talk about one's business. Only people like stockbrokers do that, and then merely at dinner parties. - Oscar Wilde

I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson

The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man's foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher. - Thomas Henry Huxley


Fried Eggs - Military Style

Tourist Baggage

Amish Sailboat

Aging Cyclist

Best Tea Cup

Shoddy Goaltending - Not

Roller Derby Princess

Redneck Hotter Tub

Walk The Line

Sidewalk Jammies

Senior Center Reminder

Time Of Day

Waiting Is Good

Solar Charging

Submergible

Fast Closure

Penalty Shot

Redneck Date

Non-Hot Dog

Unattended Children

Open Goal Forgiveness

Double Your Vision

How To Become A Pirate

He Did It