#1 humor site on the 'net

Skull Tentacles

Blackbeard celebrates an Octopus Halloween

Skull Tentacles thanks to David Edwards

QuotaBills
Last will and tentacle - Archie Bunker

I was bitten by an octopus. - Ted Cruz

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

I've made a career off of Halloween. - Cassandra Peterson

My only career goal is to be a Halloween icon. - Nuno Roque

Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. - River Phoenix

Halloween pumpkins aglow.
Come see the show. - Unknown

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. - Judy Gold

Some people like to eat octopus. Liberals, mostly. - Russell Baker

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Studio 54 made Halloween in Hollywood look like a PTA meeting. - Lorna Luft

She's a skeleton in the sand right now. She comes and she goes. - Annalies Corbin

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. - Al Jourgensen

The idea of dying and coming back is what makes the Halloween films work. - Donald Pleasence

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless. - Wilson Mizner

America forms the longest and straightest bone in the earth's skeleton. - Ellsworth Huntington

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub? - Norton Juster

The world dies over and over again, but the skeleton always gets up and walks. - Henry Miller

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween. - Unknown

My movies are usually about stripping off the makeup, getting down to the skeleton. - Michael Douglas

You don't know that you'll ever have to talk about the skeleton in your closet. - Mark McGwire

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it. - Paula Poundstone

Message boards are like going to a Halloween masquerade party. Everybody has a screen name. - John Mackey

Seems like Americans just want it to be Halloween all year. The holiday just keeps getting more popular. - Amity Shlaes

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

We used to go around tipping outhouses over, or turning over corn shocks on Halloween. Anything to be mean. - Loretta Lynn

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' - Drew Carey

Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla

The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Douglas Coupland

Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask, while others finally feel safe to take theirs off. - Steve Maraboli

The more work you put in on your outline and getting the skeleton of your story right, the easier the process is later. - Drew Goddard

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it. Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor. - Steven Wright

All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien


Ship Tow

Fish Walk

Paradigm Shift

Spanish Stairs

TyrannoSnowRus Rex

Hawaii Surfing

Should Have Pulled Out

Leonardo da Vinci's Unfinished Portrait

Cooking For Guys

One Sushi Is Enough

Before Online Dating

Wood Trike

Crow Species

Young or Old Swimmer?

Japanese Keyboard

Baby Peephole

Exit Not Found

Cat Burglar

Foot Race

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Lockdown Advice

Wii Way

Odor Detector

Associate Demonstration