#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Palm Tree

Fingerlings in the forest

Redneck Palm Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

When fate hands you a lemon, make lemonade. - Dale Carnegie

I could not get the ring without the finger. - Thomas Middleton

Success lies in the hands of those who want it. - Unknown

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

One good head is better than a hundred strong hands. - Thomas Fuller

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

United Nations: Where America feeds the hands that bite it. - Gregory Nunn

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response. - John Rhys-Davies

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" - George Carlin

Never touch your idols: the gilding will stick to your fingers. - Gustave Flaubert

My favourite quotation is eight pounds ten for a second-hand suit. - Spike Milligan

When a finger points to the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger. - Chinese Proverb

He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. - Richard Nixon

It's a battle with himself and with the ticking fingers of the clock. - David Coleman

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone, you answer it. - Dave Chappelle

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Life without endeavor is like entering a jewel mine and coming out with empty hands. - Japanese Proverb

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

The goal was scored a little bit by the hand of God, another bit by the head of Maradona. - Diego Maradona

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

Like trying a man's finger for having pulled the trigger of a gun which murdered someone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself. - Groucho Marx

Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy

It is mathematical fact that the casting of this pebble from my hand alters the center of gravity of the universe. - Thomas Carlyle

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

I've learned that people will seldom let you down if they understand that your destiny is in their hands, and vice versa. - Harvey Mackay

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago had they happened to be within the reach of predatory human hands. - Havelock Ellis

I'm not an equipment nut. I tend to use whatever's at hand. I have several cameras, of course, but I'm not emotional about any of them. - Leonard Nimoy

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


Hair Do

Hairstyle Of The Year

Frozen Fish Meal

Horse Hair

Best Hands-On Coverage

Pressing Art

Mask Alternatives

Watch Out For Deer!

Chinese Music School

Student Driver

iPad Not

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

It Even Has A Chimney

Seal Survival

www: Wagtail Windscreen Wiper

Water Dancer

Shopping Wait-er

Flamingo Imposter

Goat Tree

Ontario Spring Dining

Empty Birdhouse

180 Degrees From Ordinary

How To Float

Redneck Tank Top