#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Palm Tree

Fingerlings in the forest

Redneck Palm Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
If the sky falls, hold up your hands. - Spanish proverb

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. - English Proverb

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. - Red Skelton

Clean your finger before you point at my spots. - Benjamin Franklin

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

When my wrestlers got their hands raised, I jumped for joy. - Dan Gable

A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

A familiar pang of dread wrapped its icy hand around my heart. - Ashley Jeffery

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" - George Carlin

The clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness. - John Muir

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. - H L Mencken

A human being's first responsibility is to shake hands with himself. - Henry Winkler

It's a battle with himself and with the ticking fingers of the clock. - David Coleman

On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the 'escape' key. - Unknown

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

It will never rain roses. When we want to have more roses, we must plant more trees. - George Eliot

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

I ain't got nothing in that hand. Look at that, this guy is suspective of everything. - Archie Bunker

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you. - Will Rogers

I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein. - George W. Bush

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will. - Jawaharlal Nehru

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. - John Muir

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

I'm always astonished by a forest. It makes me realise that the fantasy of nature is much larger than my own fantasy. - Gunter Grass

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

I'm not an equipment nut. I tend to use whatever's at hand. I have several cameras, of course, but I'm not emotional about any of them. - Leonard Nimoy

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


Hot Tub Cover

Piano Dress

Parking Guide

Apology to Potential Criminals

Before Morning Coffee

Sons Of Arthritis

Challenge Accepted

Subway Camouflage

In Stitches

Great White

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Can I Lick It

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Velociraptor Defined

Redneck Muffler Repair

Drama Queen Diary

He Looks Just Like His Father!

Happy Snow Car

Sand Strap Experience

Redneck Calf Feeder

BaCoN T-Shirt

Go Winterized

Car Igloo

Hen Pecked