Redneck Palm Tree

If the sky falls, hold up your hands. - Spanish proverb

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. - English Proverb

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. - Red Skelton

Clean your finger before you point at my spots. - Benjamin Franklin

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

When my wrestlers got their hands raised, I jumped for joy. - Dan Gable

A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

A familiar pang of dread wrapped its icy hand around my heart. - Ashley Jeffery

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" - George Carlin

The clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness. - John Muir

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. - H L Mencken

A human being's first responsibility is to shake hands with himself. - Henry Winkler

It's a battle with himself and with the ticking fingers of the clock. - David Coleman

On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the 'escape' key. - Unknown

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

It will never rain roses. When we want to have more roses, we must plant more trees. - George Eliot

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

I ain't got nothing in that hand. Look at that, this guy is suspective of everything. - Archie Bunker

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you. - Will Rogers

I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein. - George W. Bush

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will. - Jawaharlal Nehru

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. - John Muir

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

I'm always astonished by a forest. It makes me realise that the fantasy of nature is much larger than my own fantasy. - Gunter Grass

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

I'm not an equipment nut. I tend to use whatever's at hand. I have several cameras, of course, but I'm not emotional about any of them. - Leonard Nimoy

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown