Pork Bean Christmas

Pulled pork jokes never get old. - Joel Edgerton

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

You can never put too much pork in your mouth. - Lewis Black

Ike runs the country, and I turn the pork chops. - Mamie Eisenhower

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Mmmm, pork chops and bacon... my two favorite animals. - Homer Simpson

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare. - Ed Begley Jr.

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish. - Roseanne Barr

I'm such a foodie. If I see a pork chop, I'm eating it. - Josh Henderson

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I'm carrying so much pork, I'm beginning to get trichinosis. - Phil Gramm

Passing Tone: Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You should never hesitate to trade your cow for a handful of magic beans. - Tom Robbins

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

I like spaghetti bolognese, I like baked beans on toast. I hate French food. I hate fancy food. - Simon Cowell

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

The pig is not just pork chops and bacon and ham to us. The pig is a co-laborer in this great land-healing ministry. - Joel Salatin

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma

It doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. - Casablanca

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

This is what I grew up on in Alsace. It's choucroute. I'd wake up every morning with the smell of cabbage and potatoes and pork. - Jean-Georges Vongerichten

He who cannot eat horsemeat need not do so. Let him eat pork. But he who cannot eat pork, let him eat horsemeat. It's simply a question of taste. - Nikita Khrushchev