#1 humor site on the 'net

Make America Great Again

Liquid diet alternative for the United States

Make America Great Again thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Make America Great Again thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
The best of America drifts to Paris. - F Scott Fitzgerald

America can't beat anyone anymore. - George Clooney

American cheese is the perfect soft taco. - Wylie Dufresne

There are no American infidels in Baghdad. - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

America is addicted to wars of distraction. - Barbara Ehrenreich

God Bless America, written by Milton Berlin. - Archie Bunker

America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy. - John Updike

I'm as single as a slice of American cheese. - Nick Cannon

An asylum for the sane would be empty in America. - George Bernard Shaw

America is a land where men govern, but women rule. - John M Brown

Mexico's making a fortune off the United States. - Donald Trump

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

The American Way of life, si! The American Way of death, no! - Archie Bunker

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up. - Bill Vaughn

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

No one flower can every symbolize this nation. America is a bouquet. - William Safire

Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers

The more money an American accumulates, the less interesting he becomes. - Gore Vidal

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take. - Adlai Stevenson

America forms the longest and straightest bone in the earth's skeleton. - Ellsworth Huntington

The most important question in American cinema is "When is lunch?" - Tommy Lee Jones

Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes. - Will Rogers

Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball. - Jacques Barzun

Any lack of confidence in the economic future of the United States is foolish. - Herbert Hoover

No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. - P.T. Barnum

American Politics: A form of socialism for the rich, including the politicians. - Gregory Nunn

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. - Jay Leno

I do know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

In America the President reigns for four years and journalism governs forever and ever. - Oscar Wilde

One third of the people in the United States promote while the other two thirds provide. - Will Rogers

The spirit of America has nurtured responsibility and community unlike any other country. - Stephen Covey

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the Party can always find you. - Yakov Smirnoff

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object. - Laurence J Peter

Texas could exist without the United States but the United States cannot exist without Texas. - Sam Houston

There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. - Alexis de Tocqueville

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center. - Jon Stewart

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went. - John Updike

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology. - Clive James

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

The largest party in America is neither the Democrats nor the Republicans. It's the party of non-voters. - Robert Reich

If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

To be President of the United States, sir, is to act as advocate for a blind, venomous, and ungrateful client. - John Updike

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honoured by posterity because he was the last to discover America. - James Joyce

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions. - George Carlin

It is a win-win for the American people, an idea no conventional politician would have the guts to put forward. - Donald Trump

Bank of America is to sweetheart loans and Democratic Party payoffs as Paula Deen is to sugar and bacon grease. - Michelle Malkin

The seeds of learning can grow almost anywhere. Trump University and my other education-related ventures like... - Donald Trump

One good thing about living in America is that there is no neurosis too insignificant to merit its own paperback. - Deborah Solomon

America's present need is not heroics but healing; not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution but restoration. - Warren G. Harding

They talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in Africa, Asia and Latin America? - Fidel Castro

I have done a Hamburger Helper commercial, a Hardees commercial, a McDonalds commercial. American Express commercial. - Luke Benward

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

A free Negro of the African race is not a 'citizen' within the meaning of the constitution of the United States. - Roger Taney

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. - Gore Vidal

America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedom, it will be because we destroyed ourselves. - Abraham Lincoln

Does America really need to be the best at everything? You already dominate the world in economics, military power and obesity. - Trevor Noah

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it's possible to achieve the American dream. - Tommy Hilfiger

These are stupid people that say, "Oh didn't Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn't he go bankrupt?" I didn't go bankrupt. - Donald Trump

The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp. - Will Cuppy

Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired. - Robert F. Kennedy

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford


Irish Flu Shots

Snake Circle

Romantic Accident

Winter Mirror

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Abbey Road Joe-kster and Bernie

Straws

Chernobyl Fish

Hard Working Cop

Mechanic's Work Table

Canadian Tennis

Swimsuit Police

Waiting For The Perfect Man

Dutch Cowboy

Ship Tow

Fish Walk

Paradigm Shift

Spanish Stairs

TyrannoSnowRus Rex

Hawaii Surfing

Should Have Pulled Out

Leonardo da Vinci's Unfinished Portrait

Cooking For Guys

One Sushi Is Enough