Make America Great Again

America can't beat anyone anymore. - George Clooney

There are no American infidels in Baghdad. - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

God Bless America, written by Milton Berlin. - Archie Bunker

Mexico's making a fortune off the United States. - Donald Trump

The chief business of the American people is business. - Calvin Coolidge

The United States has much to offer the Third World War. - Ronald Reagan

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. - Doug Hamwell

The American Way of life, si! The American Way of death, no! - Archie Bunker

America is the land of permanent waves and impermanent wives. - Brendan Behan

Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler

The more money an American accumulates, the less interesting he becomes. - Gore Vidal

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. - H L Mencken

America forms the longest and straightest bone in the earth's skeleton. - Ellsworth Huntington

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

Any lack of confidence in the economic future of the United States is foolish. - Herbert Hoover

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. - Oscar Wilde

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. - Jay Leno

I do know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

The joke was lost on the foreigner - guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. - Mark Twain

There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. - Alexis de Tocqueville

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology. - Clive James

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. - Oscar Wilde

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

Every American should have above average income, and my administration is going to see they get it. - Bill Clinton

It's triple the Trump this season... I invited my children, Don Jr. and Ivanka into the boardroom. - Donald Trump

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. - Milton Berle

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

I can remember when Democrats believed that it was the duty of America to fight for freedom over tyranny. - Zell Miller

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

The largest party in America is neither the Democrats nor the Republicans. It's the party of non-voters. - Robert Reich

If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honoured by posterity because he was the last to discover America. - James Joyce

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions. - George Carlin

Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God. - Erica Jong

I get the feeling that the two biggest problems in America today are making ends meet, and making meetings end. - Robert Orben

My big focus is China and OPEC and all of these countries that are just absolutely destroying the United States. - Donald Trump

The seeds of learning can grow almost anywhere. Trump University and my other education-related ventures like... - Donald Trump

Americans still believe in an America where anything's possible - they just don't think their leaders do. - Barack Obama

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

They talk about the failure of socialism but where is the success of capitalism in Africa, Asia and Latin America? - Fidel Castro

I love Canada. It makes a nice hat for America. When America runs out of water, it's the first place I'll go. - Ryan Reynolds

I have done a Hamburger Helper commercial, a Hardees commercial, a McDonalds commercial. American Express commercial. - Luke Benward

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

Fischer, the great American chess champion, famously said, 'Chess is life.' I would say, 'Pi is life.' - Daniel Tammet

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. - Gore Vidal

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it's possible to achieve the American dream. - Tommy Hilfiger

These are stupid people that say, "Oh didn't Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn't he go bankrupt?" I didn't go bankrupt. - Donald Trump

Reporter to Beatles during their first US tour: "How do you find America?"
Ringo Starr: "Turn left at Greenland." - Ringo Starr

If Aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans. - Stephen Hawking

The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp. - Will Cuppy

Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired. - Robert F. Kennedy

A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make. - Unknown

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford