#1 humor site on the 'net

If You're Happy And You Know It

Musical background for clamping your hams

If You're Happy And You Know It thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Dinner is poured. - WC Fields

Pulled pork jokes never get old. - Joel Edgerton

Ike runs the country, and I turn the pork chops. - Mamie Eisenhower

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner. - H.S. Leigh

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach. - WC Fields

March came in like a lion and went out like a ham. - Frank Nugent

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

My favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations. - Unknown

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare. - Ed Begley Jr.

We're eating dinner soon. Don't fill up on homework. - Alex Baze

Cogito ergo dim sum. (Therefore I think these are pork buns) - Robert Byrne

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. - Mike Myers

I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish. - Roseanne Barr

I'm such a foodie. If I see a pork chop, I'm eating it. - Josh Henderson

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

If you call ham "Canadian bacon", what do you call bacon? - Michael Kelso

I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world. - Oscar Wilde

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. - James Beard

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. - Adelle Davis

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. - Oscar Wilde

Dinner and a movie? Forget that. I'd rather have a picnic and a waterfall. - Amanda Grace

I am guilty of asking the Senate for pork and proud of the Senate for giving it to me. - Ted Stevens

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste. - Wes Smith

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard

The truly free man is the one who will turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse. - Jules Renard

I had a feeling once about mathematics – that I saw it all... but it was after dinner and I let it go. - Winston Churchill

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face.
That's the price she has to pay. - Groucho Marx

Food: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm into all that sappy stuff - a surprise picnic, nice dinner, or traveling. I'm kind of an old romantic. - Will Estes

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. - P.J. O'Rourke

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner. - WC Fields

It is very vulgar to talk about one's business. Only people like stockbrokers do that, and then merely at dinner parties. - Oscar Wilde

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson

He who cannot eat horsemeat need not do so. Let him eat pork. But he who cannot eat pork, let him eat horsemeat. It's simply a question of taste. - Nikita Khrushchev


Tartan Treasures

Dog Download

Your First Motorcycle

Summer Snack

Box Car

Frog Food

The Good Old Days

Towel Dog

Night Shift for a Computer Geek

Battery Update

Russian Beach

How To Improve New Orleans

Drone Crossing

Air Guitar

Fly Art

Texas Rain Gauge

Camel Hatchback

Teahouse of the August Moon

Bent Baby

Deluxembourg

Lost Head

Moving Sofa

Florida Golf Hazard

Billionaire Thoughts