#1 humor site on the 'net

I Will Never Tell

Reporting a shooting in the hospital emergency ward

I Will Never Tell thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

A single arrow is easily broken, but not ten in a bundle. - Japanese Proverb

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

The shaft of the arrow had been feathered with one of the eagle's own plumes. We often give our enemies the means of our destruction. - Aesop

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin


Beach Breakfast

Bicycle Dining

Shark Bike

Thrilling Read

Extra Weight

Yoga's Balanced Lifestyle

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

Souped Up Car

Darth VadeHer

Submergible

Happy People

Today's Paper Read Yesterday

Someone Is Upset

Texas Diet

Moose Crossing

Lost Meal

Plane Oops!

The Wheels of Life

Nerd Shaving

Beethoven's Teacher

Coke's Special Ingredients

Weather Warning

Freedom At Last

Ebola Can Be Eaten