#1 humor site on the 'net

I Say, Old Chap

Stock British phrase popularized by P. G. Wodehouse

I Say, Old Chap thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British. - Unknown

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Rain is the one thing the British do better than anybody else. - Marilyn French

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Are you Indian or Pakistani? I can never tell the difference between you chaps. - Prince Philip

The British have a remarkable talent for keeping calm, even when there is no crisis. - Franklin P Jones

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

I think you could build a couple of humans with the amount of skin lost on the reef at Pipe. - Martin Potter

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. - Oscar Wilde

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person. - Unknown

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

If there be a God, I think that what he would like me to do is paint as much of the map of Africa British red as possible. - Cecil Rhodes

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon


Whatchamacallit Car

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Gone To Market

Peak Bernie

Female IT Experts

Obi-Juan Kenobi

Fuse ReplaceMeant

Student Food Strainer

IBITE

Slide-n-Freeze

Lizard Guitar

Electricity Storage

How To Sharpen Pencils

Chevforodge

Free Stuff

Baby Bird Chorus

Hang On

Home Depot Delivery

Sea Painting

Radish Camouflage

Canadian Twins

Big Birth - They Start Off Big At This Hospital

Not Stuck

Motorcycle For Sale