How to Prepare a Man for His Funeral

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

I was with book, as a woman is with child. - C S Lewis

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. - Phyllis Diller

Ideal Wife: Any woman who has an ideal husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Yard: Unit of measurement. In angling, 17 inches. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Taking joy in life is a woman's best cosmetic. - Rosalind Russell

When a woman is openly bad she is then at her best. - Latin Proverb

You can often measure a person by the size of his dream. - Robert H. Schuller

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

The measure of a man is the way he bears up under misfortune. - Plutarch

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt

The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat. - Oscar Wilde

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick. - Bill Lemley

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

When a man has once loved a woman he will do anything for her except continue to love her. - Oscar Wilde

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back. - Dale Carnegie

She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression. - C S Lewis

The secret to living well and longer is: EAT half; WALK double; LAUGH triple; and LOVE without measure. - Unknown

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. - Unknown

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with the word 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

There is never a better measure of what a person is than what he does when he's absolutely free to choose. - William M. Bulger

God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him. - Tara Reid

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

From a shy, timid girl I had become a woman of resolute character, who could no longer be frightened by the struggle with troubles. - Anna Dostoevsky

If a woman says, 'Do what you want', do not do what you want. Stand still. Do not blink. Don't even breathe. Just play dead. - Unknown

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle