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How to Prepare a Man for His Funeral

When not to measure for an ironing table

How to Prepare a Man for His Funeral thanks to Howard Chapman

QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Man is the measure of all things. - Protagoras

Yard: Unit of measurement. In angling, 17 inches. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have. - Unknown

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

The measure of a man is the way he bears up under misfortune. - Plutarch

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

Surely a pretty woman never looks prettier than when making tea. - Mary E. Braddon

There is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise. - Unknown

Measure yourself by what you have accomplished with your ability. - John Wooden

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

I am a woman meant for a man, but I never found a man who could compete. - Bette Davis

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on. - Oscar Wilde

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you. - Groucho Marx

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman. - Virginia Woolf

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx

A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

I'm always worried when a woman sees me naked for the first time. That she's just gonna scream and run out of the park. - Gary Delaney

Happiness, not money or prestige, should be regarded as the ultimate currency - the currency by which we take measure of our lives. - Tal Ben-Shahar

Success depends in a very large measure upon individual initiative and exertion, and cannot be achieved except by a dint of hard work. - Anna Pavlova

When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

A woman with confidence is hypnotic. A smile is mesmerizing. Presence, openness, a sense of humor - these are all things that make a woman attractive. - Jessica Ortner


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