Grandma Needs Help

To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

Grammatical Error: When Grandma screws up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

He's breaking his grandpa's sacrolificat. - Archie Bunker

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

There is no place like home - except Grandma's. - Unknown

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

Many will show you the way once your cart has overturned. - Turkish Proverb

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. - Daniel F E Auber

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Grandma, thank you for being my anchor in this stormy sea of life. - Unknown

Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours. - Homer Simpson

Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

Sure I'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day. - Lillian Carter

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

Spoiled Rotten: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

Mirror: A truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been. - David Bowie

You can lead audiences to a half-dressed, aging pop star but you can't make them watch. - Megan Basham

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

The elderly don't drive that badly; they're just the only ones with time to do the speed limit. - Jason Love

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

Antelope: 1. Why Grandpa won't forgive Uncle; 2. Event involving two bugs who fall in love and run away together. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live. - Gary Delaney

Aging: 1. A supposed ripening into wisdom that most Westerners attempt to delay as long as possible; 2. A one-way street with no stoplights. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda