#1 humor site on the 'net

Full Moon Savings

It's time for change!

Full Moon Savings thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Time is the chrysalsis of eternity. - Richter

It takes a long time to grow young. - Pablo Picasso

People like to trace their ancestry. - Richard Dawkins

My alone time is for everyone's safety. - Unknown

Lack of time is actually lack of priorities. - Tim Ferriss

There are no secrets that time does not reveal. - Jean Racine

Her time is about 4.33, which she's capable of. - David Coleman

Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. - Jean Paul

Peace is when time doesn't matter as it passes by. - Maria Schell

Time is a great legalizer, even in the field of morals. - H.L. Mencken

I'll tell you how the sun rose - a ribbon at a time. - Emily Dickinson

The present is the point at which time touches eternity. - C S Lewis

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. - Steven Wright

By the time I have money to burn, my fire will have burnt out. - Unknown

I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Each time we don't say what we want to say, we're dying. - Yoko Ono

How do we change the world? One random act of kindness at a time. - Morgan Freeman

He who has done his best for his own time has lived for all times. - Friedrich Schiller

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. - Hector Berlioz

A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy. - WC Fields

He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. - Richard Nixon

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

The time will come when winter will ask what you were doing all summer. - Henry Clay

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

The best time management strategy: don't find the time, find the why. - Chris Guillebeau

You gotta lose 'em some of the time. When you do, lose 'em right. - Casey Stengel

Human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time. - George Orwell

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep! - Unknown

Life is like looking for your phone. Most of the time it's in your hand. - Unknown

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. - Henny Youngman

Youth is the time of getting, middle age of improving, and old age of spending. - Anne Bradstreet

Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

Pessimists are usually kind. The gay, bubbling over, have no time for the pitiful. - Sean O'Faolain

I am long on ideas, but short on time. I expect to live to be only about a hundred. - Thomas A. Edison

You may have heard some funny comedians in your time - Milton Berlin, Don Trickles. - Archie Bunker

It's surprising how much of memory is built around things unnoticed at the time. - Barbara Kingsolver

You will never 'find' time for anything. If you want time, you must make it. - Charles Bruxton

You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time. - Charles F. Kettering

By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable. - Andy Rooney

Winning is coming in fourth, exhausted but excited because you came in fifth last time. - Denis Waltley

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

We waste a lot of time running after people we could have caught by just standing still. - Mignon McLaughlin

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it. - Josh Billings

I can't turn the clock back but I can seek the forgiveness of those I've wronged. - Richard Coles

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

No more massive injections. Tiny children are not horses - one vaccine at a time, over time. - Donald Trump

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings. - Paula Poundstone

Your time is precious. Don't waste it on anyone who doesn't realize that you are, too. - Unknown

My career must be slipping. This is the first time I've been available to pick up an award. - Michael Caine

In the long run, the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip. - Unknown

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing 'k' instead of 'ok'? - Unknown

Don't waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy. - Roy T. Bennett

If fat people just gave skinny people more food, we could solve obesity and hunger at the same time. - Ashton Kutcher

Bathtubs are the epitome of luxury. Either you have no money to own one or you have no time to use one. - Akilnathan Logeswaran

The best and cheapest dentistry is when the right thing is done extremely well the first time and it lasts. - Unknown

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton

Canada's political parties spend a few years in opposition and then govern as if it's permanent payback time. - Bob Rae

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. - Steven Wright

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman

Remembering is a gift - a silent gift, because it roots us in reality while at the same time pointing us towards eternity. - Raphael Anzenberger

Every time a child says, "I don't believe in fairies," there is a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead. - Sir James M. Barrie

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde

The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago had they happened to be within the reach of predatory human hands. - Havelock Ellis

You are no more exempt from time's inexorable passing than Macbeth. Whether time is your friend or foe depends on how you use it. - Patricia Fripp

The starting line of the New York Marathon is like a giant time bomb behind you about to go off. It is the most spectacular start in sport. - Bill Rodgers

When I started Facebook from my dorm room in 2004, the idea that my roommates and I talked about all the time was a world that was more open. - Mark Zuckerberg

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


Skateboard Statue

WipeOut

Turtle Truck

How To Burn Fat

Unplugged

Praying & Preying Mantis

Good Driver

Overpass Passover

Fire Starter

Sinus Remedy - How To Clear Out Your Nostrils

Auto Strap

Never Run a Red Light

Bee Safe

Hummers Only Look Tough

Tactical Texas

Defence Budget Cuts

Welfare State

No Flies On Me

Stick Family Meal

Wet Floor

Lord Of The Watch

Close Encounters of the Whale Kind

Military Watch Tower

No Go Intersection