#1 humor site on the 'net

Flat Tire Repair

Redneck on a roll

Flat Tire Repair thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Racist Pig: A hog on wheels - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare. - Steven Wright

The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe. - Unknown

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible. - Samuel Goldwyn

The wheel turns and turns and turns: it never stops and stands still. - Anita Desai

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Nothing encourages creativity like the chance to fall flat on one's face. - James D Finley

Initiative is as essential to success as a hub is essential to a wagon wheel. - Napoleon Hill

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

Universal happiness keeps the wheels steadily turning; truth and beauty can't. - Aldous Huxley

The squeaky wheel may get the most oil, but it's also the first to be replaced. - Marilyn Vos Savant

Vasectomy: 1. Never having to say you're sorry; 2. Spoil the rod. Spare the child. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Intelligence is like a 4 wheel drive - it allows you to get stuck in more remote places. - Garrison Keillor

The wheel of change moves on, and those who were down go up, and those who were up go down. - Jawaharial Nehru

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I'm working on a second cookbook and am working on my love story, 'Black Heels to Tractor Wheels.' - Ree Drummond

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization. - Ambrose Bierce

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

Spare the rod and spoil the child - that is true. But, beside the rod, keep an apple to give him when he has done well. - Martin Luther

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Tar Arns: (Southern) A tool employed in changing wheels. Usage: 'You cain't change a tar without a tar arn' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

When you're stretching yourself, as a role like 'Blue Jasmine' did for me, you risk falling flat on your face. - Cate Blanchett

Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision. - Unknown

The misery which follows pleasure is the pleasure which follows misery. The pleasure and misery of mankind revolve like a wheel. - A Nagarjuna

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

We make decisions based on what we think we know. It wasn't too long ago that the majority of people believed the world was flat. - Simon Sinek

The man who makes no mistakes lacks boldness and the spirit of adventure. He never tries anything new. He is a brake on the wheels of progress. - M.W. Larmour

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


Martini Shirt

Mal Nutrition

Stowaway Soccer Fan

Watch Out For Slugger

Canada Frigate

Shimmy Car-nage

Texas Cow Cleaner

DogWood

The Floater

How We Played Online Before The Internet

Sports Hernias

Redneck Power Windows

Star Wars Howl

Leaning Bookshelves

Sometimes Dads Are Wet For Work

Dad Sandwich

Months Apart

Swing Dad

Dadspiration

Daddy, Can I Ride It?

Leaf Surgery

No Wheeler

Dad's Ex-Ferrari

Privileged Corvette Parking