Flat Tire Repair

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Racist Pig: A hog on wheels - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A lawyer and a cart wheel must be greased. - John R Beard

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Life is like a chariot wheel that ever rolls along. - Anacreon

Spare the rod and spoil the Memorial Day rotisserie. - Brian Spellman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Life is a wheel of fortune and it's my turn to spin it. - Tupac

Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible. - Samuel Goldwyn

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

Nothing encourages creativity like the chance to fall flat on one's face. - James D Finley

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Vasectomy: 1. Never having to say you're sorry; 2. Spoil the rod. Spare the child. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization. - Ambrose Bierce

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

A major threshold is passed when you mature enough to acknowledge what drives you, and to take the wheel and steer it. - Andrew Stanton

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

When you're stretching yourself, as a role like 'Blue Jasmine' did for me, you risk falling flat on your face. - Cate Blanchett

Just think how far we've come in the 20th Century. The man who used to be a cog in the wheel is now a digit in the computer. - Robert Fuoss

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

I can change a diaper in 30 seconds flat. I set the new one beneath the old one. That way, it's just wipe and pull the flap over. - Drew Brees

In the best, the friendliest and simplest relations flattery or praise is necessary, just as grease is necessary to keep wheels turning. - Leo Tolstoy