#1 humor site on the 'net

DeadLights

Halloween headlights for ghoulfriends

DeadLights thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

He lights up a room when he leaves it. - Henny Youngman

Halloween pumpkins aglow.
Come see the show. - Unknown

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - Unknown

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I used to look like a deer in headlights on the red carpet. - Emily Blunt

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Studio 54 made Halloween in Hollywood look like a PTA meeting. - Lorna Luft

I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee

She's a skeleton in the sand right now. She comes and she goes. - Annalies Corbin

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien

I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. - Al Jourgensen

The idea of dying and coming back is what makes the Halloween films work. - Donald Pleasence

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless. - Wilson Mizner

America forms the longest and straightest bone in the earth's skeleton. - Ellsworth Huntington

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw

There was nothing in the dark that wasn't there when the lights were on. - Rod Serling

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

The world dies over and over again, but the skeleton always gets up and walks. - Henry Miller

There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast. - Charles Dickens

You don't know that you'll ever have to talk about the skeleton in your closet. - Mark McGwire

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it. - Paula Poundstone

Message boards are like going to a Halloween masquerade party. Everybody has a screen name. - John Mackey

As an actor you become that lighting rod between the person who made the play and the audience. - Christopher Walken

Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day. - Gwen Stefani

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' - Drew Carey

Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla

The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran

Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask, while others finally feel safe to take theirs off. - Steve Maraboli

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The more work you put in on your outline and getting the skeleton of your story right, the easier the process is later. - Drew Goddard

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. The difference between Bill Clinton and myself is that he has a walk-in closet. - Pat Buchanan

Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. - Simon Sinek

All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside


Lucky Spectator

Breadlace

I Think I'll Hold It

Instant Coffee Tragedy

Cow Camouflage

Room For Two

Neandertallica

Key-o-Saurus

Pure Maple Syrup

Dentist Drill

Wife Consumption

Dog Proctologist

Vintage Birth Control

Used Cows For Sale

Stylish Butcher

Greek Financial Path

God Gives Restaurant

Rubik's Cube Puzzle-Meant

Modern Printing Press

Frequent FlyHair

Geek Breakfast

Art School Graduate

Maid Confusion

Stowaway Soccer Fan