#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Past Participle

Scrooge is paid a visit by the grammar police

Christmas Past Participle thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Forget the past and live the present hour. - Sarah Knowles Bolton

I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown

I am 46, and have been for some time past. - Anita Brookner

Few great men would have got past personnel. - Paul Goodman

I am the Roman Emperor and am above grammar. - Emperor Sigismund

Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare

I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli

Culture is a slingshot moved by the force of its past. - Barbara Kingsolver

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker

Remember the past, live in the present, look to the future. - Joe Segal

Learn from the past, Hope for the future, Live in the present. - Ken Lancaster

I like to use the hard times in the past to motivate me today. - Dwayne Johnson

I live by the truth that "No" is a complete sentence. - Anne Lamott

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Show me a man with a tattoo and I'll show you a man with an interesting past. - Jack London

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy

Who controls the past controls the future; who controls the present controls the past. - George Orwell

Don't put your life on hold so that you can dwell on the unfairness of past hurts. - Nick Vujicic

The past is frozen and no longer flows, and the present is all lit up with eternal rays. - C S Lewis

One cannot and must not try to erase the past merely because it does not fit the present. - Golda Meir

If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age. - George Burns

Many a woman has a past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit. - Oscar Wilde

And I was afraid because I knew I had outgrown my past before I could see a path to my future. - Han Nolan

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown

I have a Rubik's Cube for a rearview mirror, because the past is the only time puzzle I can solve. - Jarod Kintz

One day you'll find someone who doesn't care about your past because they want to be your future. - Unknown

The present contains nothing more than the past. And what is found in the effect was already in the cause. - Henri Bergson

Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Grammar: 1. Lives with granpar; 2. The difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You’re Nuts. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future. - Sydney J. Harris

I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is. - Donald Trump

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Life is made up of a series of judgments on insufficient data, and if we waited to run down all our doubts, it would flow past us. - Learned Hand

Enjoy your age before it's past; Don't try to be 18 so fast. You're only 14 once, my dears, but you'll be 35 for years. - Elinor K. Rose

Pride causes us to use our gifts as though they came from ourselves, not benefits received from God, and to usurp our benefactor's glory. - Bernard of Clairvaux

Everybody walks past a thousand story ideas every day. The good writers are the ones who see five or six of them. Most people don't see any. - Orson S. Card


Only in Las Vegas

Sailing Duck

Redneck Stairs

Computer Challenged

1st Rolex

Tennis Plant

Florida Moves Out Of Hurricane Zone

Small Bills

Denmark Traffic Signals

Nail Polish Lookalilikes

Game Car

Overloaded Mailbox

Redneck Phone

Enjoy Fresh Air

Bread Board

Snaccident

Mini Bar

Frisbee Stopper

Redneck Sushi

Redneck's Lo-Tech Mobile Phone

Downchuck

Border Agent Alert

Cadillac Clearance

Leading By Example