#1 humor site on the 'net

Cataract Surgery Lawsuit

Susan Sues after an eye-opening Down Under operation

A West Australian newspaper recently reported that a woman, Mrs. Susan Maynard, has sued a Perth Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit thanks to Mike King

A hospital spokesman replied, 'Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.'

QuotaBills
The law itself follows gold. - Propertius

Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas

Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard

Cataract: Where cats hang their coats. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown

I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North

A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost

Law of the Supermarket: The other line moves faster. - Unknown

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner

Justice is a law of nature rarely found in human affairs. - Unknown

The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham

Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens

It is a secret worth knowing, that lawyers rarely go to law. - Moses Crowell

How many lawyer jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories. - Thomas F Shubnell

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa

Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings

I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate

A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray

Lawyers are like scissors; they never cut each other, but what is between them. - Unknown

Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark

Lawyers generally know too much of law to have a very clear perception of justice. - Eliza Cook

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. - David Mellor

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Lawyers are like the knights of old. You can use them to plunder other people's stuff. - Gene Gordon

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

Self-preservation is the first law of nature, but self-sacrifice is the highest rule of grace. - Unknown

Lawyers are the only civil delinquents whose judges must of necessity be chosen from themselves. - Charles C Colton

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen

Beware of lawyers and consultants and people who do not take risks and who do not get their hands dirty. - Felix G Rohatyn

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. - John F Kennedy

A lawyer's duty is to read the law well himself, then tell the people what it is, and let them act upon it. - Brigham Young

Now we got a lawyer, we got civilization, which I understand to mean that a man has a chance to get rich without working. - Sinclair Lewis

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

Lawyers have the singular distinction of being able to play the hero and villain at the same time. Depending on where you stand in a courthouse. - Lenox Mhlanga

What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne

There must be some honest lawyers at the New York bar, and some impartial judges on the New York bench, but I should not like to be set to find them. - Lyman Abbott


Lunch Break

Digging One's Own Grave

See The Difference?

Gas and Dash

OctoMask

Bird on a Wire (past tense)

Workplace Hazards in Tasmania

Tiger On A Roll

Men's Golf Rules

Where Did He Go?

Sudden Invented Syndrome

Calculus Drinks

Lights, Camera, Overreaction

Rebar Walker

Leading The Way

Melted Dog

Painful Ballet

Welder's Last Stand

My Life Goal

1-800-PILLCASH

Ghetto Boat

Hungry Hiker Tree

Redneck Roof

My Last Swim In The Ocean