Bite Me Valentine

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

Truth has rough flavors if we bite it through. - George Eliot

Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser

Maybe my mind chewed off more than the mind should bite. - Archie Bunker

United Nations: Where America feeds the hands that bite it. - Gregory Nunn

I claim there ain't another Saint as great as Valentine. - Ogden Nash

Valentine hearts beat more passionately than everyday hearts. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it. - Ogden Nash

See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails? - Will Rogers

Ideal Summer Resort: A place where fish bite and mosquitoes don't - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar

We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it. - Will Rogers

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. - Milton Berle

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it. - Thomas Jefferson

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! - Thomas Hood

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

There's nothing like biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing anyway. - Mark Burnett

To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. - David Letterman

I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin

President Ford tells us all to bite the bullet and Betsy Ford goes on TV and shoots off her mouth. - Archie Bunker

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that's OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots. - Ozzy Osbourne

Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you. - Zig Ziglar

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself. - Milton Berle

Non-Muslims in Saudi Arabia can only celebrate Valentine's Day behind closed doors. Apparently, this has led to a huge black market for flowers and wrapping paper. - John Niven

Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is when stores and restaurants get rich, men get lucky, and women fill their pretty faces with chocolate and put up with their man for six seconds at the end of the night. - Unknown