#1 humor site on the 'net

Bilingual Fine Print

Where English shoppers need magnifying glasses to shop for less

Bilingual Fine Print thanks to Emery Pettigrove

QuotaBills
Silence is safer than speech. - Epictetus

Music comes to me more readily than words. - Ludwig van Beethoven

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

A word out of season may mar a whole lifetime. - Greek proverb

English Wrestling Champion: A lord of the ring - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Life happens at the level of events, not words. - Unknown

There is a time for words and a time for sleep. - Homer

One picture is worth more than a thousand words. - Chinese Proverb

In love there are two things - bodies and words. - Joyce Carol Oates

A proverb is much matter decocted into few words. - Thomas Fuller

I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli

Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham

Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out. - Unknown

The secret of my success is a two-word answer: Know people. - Harvey S Firestone

A sage thing is timely silence, and better than any speech. - Plutarch

Quota: Someone who likes to report other people's speech - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Collect as precious pearls the words of the wise and virtuous. - Abd-el-Kadar

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way. - Mark Twain

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

Don't listen to their words, fix your attention on their deeds. - Albert Einstein

Actions prove who someone is; words just prove who they want to be. - Unknown

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. - Gore Vidal

'If only' are the famous last words of those who weren't. - Unknown

Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us all without words? - Marcel Marceau

Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion

Technology is a word that describes something that doesn't work yet. - Douglas Adams

When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. - William Faulkner

Sweet words are like honey, a little may refresh, but too much gluts the stomach. - Anne Bradstreet

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach

All my life I've looked at words as though I were seeing them for the first time. - Ernest Hemingway

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy

A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice. - Bill Cosby

Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound

It was ability that mattered, not disability, which is a word I'm not crazy about using. - Marlee Matlin

If we do not believe in freedom of speech for those we despise, we do not believe in it at all. - Noam Chomsky

Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech. - Franklin P Jones

Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. - Unknown

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

Your words carry amazing power. So when you speak, make sure you uplift someone and never put them down. - Unknown

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours. - Eric Idle

The trouble with quotes about death is that 99.999 percent of them are made by people who are still alive. - Joshua Bruns

Politics: Poli, a Latin word meaning "many"; and tics, meaning "bloodsucking creatures." - Robin Williams

Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla

Prejudice, a dirty word, and faith, a clean one, have something in common: they both begin where reason ends. - Harper Lee

If the word has the potency to revive and make us free, it has also the power to blind, imprison, and destroy. - Ralph Ellison

Only a genius can say these four words, four times really fast without getting tongue twisted: eye, yam, stew, peed - Unknown

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. - Unknown

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. - John F Kennedy

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Always try to use the language so as to make quite clear what you mean and make sure your sentence couldn't mean anything else. - C S Lewis

A helping word to one in trouble is often like a switch in a railroad track ... an inch between a wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity. - Henry Ward Beecher

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

“Two powerful, little words I've learned to use when facing challenges, fears, and doubts -
"So what?” - Richelle E. Goodrich

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? - Bible

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


Welfare State

No Flies On Me

Stick Family Meal

Wet Floor

Lord Of The Watch

Close Encounters of the Whale Kind

Military Watch Tower

No Go Intersection

Public Transportation In Scotland

Guarded Nights

Financial Meltdown

Fox Kabob

Microwaved Bulb... Watts You Won't See

Saks-e Parking Job

Griller Bees

Texting While Cycling

Redneck Manicure

Police Profiling In Canada

Tree Stand

No Worries

Hospital Gown Insurance

Facebook Red Light

Redneck Speed Bump

Scientific Driving Test