Babysitting Kids

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration. - Jon Stewart

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

I love children if they're cooked properly. - WC Fields

What's done to children, they will do to society. - Karl A Menninger

For when a child is born the mother also is born again. - Gilbert Parker

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

You see much more of your children once they leave home. - Lucille Ball

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

The great man is one who never loses his child’s heart. - Mencius

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents. - John J. Plomp

Give a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back. - John Ruskin

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Yachting: standing in a cold shower tearing up hundred-dollar bills. - Unknown

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

Do we not all agree to call rapid thought and noble impulse by the name of inspiration? - George Eliot

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. - Angela Schwindt

I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. - Aristotle

When it comes to raising children, I believe in give and take. I give orders and they take ‘em. - Bernie Mac

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. - Franklin P. Jones

Every child should have an occasional pat on the back as long as it is applied low enough and hard enough. - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

Children raced outside. She surveyed their trail - traces of sticky fingerprints across everything, like wee poems. - Dr. SunWolf

Grow up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another. - F Scott Fitzgerald

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

I am afraid we must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy. - George Bernard Shaw

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. - Frank A. Clark

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them, thus preserving the system. - Quentin Crewe

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. - Will Rogers

It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings. - Ann Landers

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. - Garrison Keillor

Abundance and vigor of automatic movements are desirable, and even a considerable degree of restlessness is a good sign in young children. - G Stanley Hall

Some primal termite knocked on wood,
And tasted it, and found it good;
That is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today. - Ogden Nash