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And The Oscar Goes To...

Best Picture Award provides fodder for Worst Performance Of The Year

And The Oscar Goes To... thanks to Emery Pettigrove

Hollywood enacts its own La La Land

Biggest mistake in Oscars history after La La Land wrongly named Best Picture winner.
"There's a mistake. Moonlight, you won best picture," Jordan Horowitz, La La Land producer, announced to the gasps of a shocked crowd. He held up the card clearly showing the winner was Clinton, not Moonlight.
Warren Beatty used to be the talk of the town because of the women he had on his arm, but now it’s because of the envelope he’s got tucked under it.

QuotaBills
Reality – what a concept! - Robin Williams

Telegant: Looking good on TV - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The vertizontal hold on the TV. - Archie Bunker

Reality is almost always wrong. - Gregory House

Human kind cannot bear very much reality. - T S Eliot

Reality is not always probable, or likely. - Jorge Luis Borges

In television blood is thicker than talent. - Gerald F Lieberman

Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me! - Homer Simpson

When I was your age, television was called books. - William Goldman

We suffer more often in imagination than in reality. - Seneca

Nothing is really real unless it happens on television. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. - Jules de Gaultier

Life doesn't imitate art; it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen

Babysitters: Girls you hire to watch your television set. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Television has been the single greatest shaper of emptiness. - Ravi Zacharias

Let's bask in television's warm, glowing, warming glow. - Homer Simpson

When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time. - Byron Katie

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. - Lily Tomlin

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare. - Fred Allen

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. - Soren Kierkegaard

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. - Tom Clancy

I think Les Moonves is the most highly overrated person in television. - Donald Trump

My children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. - Erma Bombeck

It is only hope which is real, and reality is a bitterness and a deceit. - William Makepeace Thackeray

Bad humour is an evasion of reality; good humour is an acceptance of it. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Getting an award from TV is like being kissed by someone with bad breath. - Mason Williams

The reality is you either step into the future, or you become a dinosaur. - M Shadows

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. - Philip K. Dick

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive. - William F. Buckley, Jr.

The times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. - Marilyn Manson

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. - Ann Landers

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. - Yoko Ono

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? - Dick Cavett

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. - Ayn Rand

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. - Woody Allen

If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobel

For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2. - David Coleman

I wanted this to be a movie on TV so I could press the off button and make it all go away. - Michelle Rowen

It takes hunger, tenacity and commitment to see a dream through until it becomes a reality. - John C Maxwell

The reality of professional skateboarding contests is that they're not relevant in our world. - Rob Dyrdek

You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs

When a team outgrows individual performance and learns team confidence, excellence becomes a reality. - Joe Paterno

Morality binds and blinds. It binds us into teams... but thereby makes us go blind to objective reality. - Jonathan Haidt

You could say that the paparazzi and the tabloids are sort of the assault weapons of the First Amendment. - Charlton Heston

One of television's great contributions is that it brought murder back into the home, where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! - Homer Simpson

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of the television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. - Johnny Carson

Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality. All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damage awards. - Jodi Picoult

Remembering is a gift - a silent gift, because it roots us in reality while at the same time pointing us towards eternity. - Raphael Anzenberger

Man alone has the power to transform his thoughts into physical reality; man, alone, can dream and make his dreams come true. - Napoleon Hill

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town. - Steve Martin

One supreme fact which I have discovered is that it is not willpower but imagination that creates. Imagination creates reality. - Richard Wagner

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

The depravity of man is at once the most empirically verifiable reality, but at the same time the most intellectually resisted fact. - Malcolm Muggeridge

You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete. - R Buckminster Fuller

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

I could never have imagined that firing 67 people on national television would actually make me more popular, especially with the younger generation. - Donald Trump


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