#1 humor site on the 'net

Winter Greens

How to lead stray snowbound livestock back home

Winter Greens thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Holy Cow - what the stray cattle menace has become

QuotaBills
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. - Mae West

An old man loved is winter with flowers. - Unknown

Laughing Stock: Cattle with a sense of humour - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

An old man in love is like a flower in winter. - Portuguese Proverb

De-caffeinated: What a cow gets when it has a baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. - W.J. Vogel

Leading your family is a lot tougher than basketball. - Giannis Antetokounmpo

Finally my winter fat is done. Now I have spring rolls. - Unknown

Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart. - Victor Hugo

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants. - Geraldo Rivera

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

Mrs. O'Leary's cow is sorry, but Cleveland burned anyway. - Archie Bunker

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk. - Ogden Nash

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. - Ambrose Bierce

Reality: The leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin

The time will come when winter will ask what you were doing all summer. - Henry Clay

You should never hesitate to trade your cow for a handful of magic beans. - Tom Robbins

She walked across the ballroom as if she were trudging through deep snow. - Noel Coward

We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen

You don't learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing and falling over. - Richard Branson

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

The day people stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. - Colin Powell

There's one good thing about snow: it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. - Clyde Moore

If you're bored, one thing is for sure: You're not following in the footsteps of Christ. - Mark Batterson

They seemed to come suddenly upon happiness as if they had surprised a butterfly in the winter woods. - Edith Wharton

The sun always comes up. Spring always comes after winter. The river always reaches the ocean. Always. - Maxime Lagace

If I don't work, I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, eating popcorn and getting like a cow. - Celia Cruz

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

Usually the thing that signifies that I'm done with the winter and all that is that I start skateboarding. - Shaun White

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

The only thing more depressing than another six weeks of winter would be having to spend them in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. - Unknown

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old. - Bill Bryson

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

I love cookies baking. During the winter, they have these candles that smell like cookies, and I always buy like a hundred of them. - Jared Padalecki

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome. - Anne Bradstreet

Zipper: Two rows of unsmiling teeth that often induce laughter in others, especially when inadvertently left open following a trip to the john - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky


Fox Hunting Madness

Emperor Penguins

The Side Effects of Veganism

Stair Railing Electrician

Cold Faucet

Make Womb For Baby

Hardtail Bike

Birth Control Kit

Come-Back Line Of The Year

Duck Gears

Chewing Gum Hazard

Keyboard Seating

Bent Over

Whatchamacallit Car

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Gone To Market

Peak Bernie

Female IT Experts

Obi-Juan Kenobi

Fuse ReplaceMeant

Student Food Strainer

IBITE

Slide-n-Freeze

Lizard Guitar