Understanding Women - Pocket Edition

Polite conversation is rarely either. - Fran Lebowitz

Character is what you think in the dark. - Dwight L. Moody

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

Tis brief, my lord... as woman's love. - William Shakespeare

Ideal Wife: Any woman who has an ideal husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Jade: A semi-precious stone or a semi-precious woman - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When the devil finds a lazy woman, he puts her to work. - Russian Proverb

A woman's always younger than a man of equal years. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Put more trust in nobility of character than in an oath. - Solon

I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman. - Jack Nicholson

In my last movie I played an unsympathetic character - myself. - Oscar Levant

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Frump: A woman who looks her age and doesn't try to overlook it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every woman dreams of her own political career and her own place in life. - Raisa M. Gorbachev

Between man and woman there is little difference, but vive la difference. - French Proverb

Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes. - Unknown

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

He who has two women loses his soul. But he who has two homes loses his mind. - Ancient Proverb

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - WC Fields

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. - Erma Bombeck

Making mistakes reveals human nature. How one deals with them reveals character. - Unknown

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform. - Diane Mariechild

Great acting is being able to create a character. Great character is being able to be yourself. - John Leguizamo

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman. - Woody Allen

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

Career Woman: One who goes out and earns a man's salary instead of sitting at home and taking it away from him - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Except for a few guitar chords, everything I've learned in my life that is of any value I've learned from women. - Glenn Frey

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town. - Steve Martin

There is a direct relationship between a person's grasp and experience of God's grace and his or her heart for justice. - Unknown

The five essential entrepreneurial skills for success: Concentration, Discrimination, Organization, Innovation and Communication. - Harold S Geneen

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. - Bill Vaughan

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy. - Marie Curie

Forgiveness is the best form of love in any relationship. It takes a strong person to say they're sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive. - Yolanda Hadid