Things Bottled Up

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain