#1 humor site on the 'net

Pumpkin Engine Check

Be sure to check your oil level this Halloween

Pumpkin Engine Check thanks to Bill Wellbelove

QuotaBills
So many horrid Ghosts. - William Shakespeare

Ghost Writer: Spooksman - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Pumpkin pie fixes everything. - Unknown

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine. - Elvis Presley

Art is a house that tries to be haunted. - Emily Dickinson

Forget Cutie, I'd rather be Pumpkin! - Unknown

Mind sees ghost when frightened and hopeless. - Toba Beta

My only career goal is to be a Halloween icon. - Nuno Roque

Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. - River Phoenix

Now I know what a ghost is. Unfinished business. - Salman Rushdie

What makes the engine go? Desire, desire, desire. - Stanley Kunitz

Halloween pumpkins aglow.
Come see the show. - Unknown

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. - Judy Gold

It's easier to dismiss ghosts in the daylight. - Patricia Briggs

Produce great pumpkins, the pies will follow later. - Unknown

At night, here in the library, the ghosts have voices. - Alberto Manguel

The muses are ghosts, and sometimes they come uninvited. - Stephen King

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Graveyards were the one place Belladonna never saw ghosts. - Helen Stringer

Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin. - Simone Schwarz-Bart

There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight. - Unknown

The pumpkin is always oranger on the other side of the patch. - Unknown

I don't believe in ghosts but they blindly believe in me. - Amit Abraham

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Studio 54 made Halloween in Hollywood look like a PTA meeting. - Lorna Luft

To be haunted is to glimpse a truth that might best be hidden. - James Herbert

A house with old furniture has no need of ghosts to be haunted. - Hope Mirrlees

I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee

Motivation is the fuel, necessary to keep the human engine running. - Zig Ziglar

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

Misers part with nothing until they die. Then they give up the ghost. - Latin Proverb

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. - H L Mencken

I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. - Al Jourgensen

You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure. - Zig Ziglar

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

We're all just ghosts on a wire seeking the prick of an electric thought. - Robert Fanney

I love you more than pumpkin spice latte but please don't make me prove it! - Unknown

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotsmen in America and Americans in Scotland - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

The people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this you keep them alive. - Rob Montgomery

The ghosts of things that never happened are worse than the ghosts of things that did. - L.M. Montgomery

Corpse pose restores life. Dead parts of your being fall away, the ghosts are released. - Unknown

Maybe all the people who say ghosts don't exist are just afraid to admit that they do. - Michael Ende

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

We cannot create a world we can't imagine and stories are the engines of our imaginations. - Josh Stearns

I love to put on a wig, a costume, inhabit a different world and be called something different. - Susan Egan

I'd rather sit alone on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion. - Henry David Thoreau

Ghosts have a way of misleading you; they can make your thoughts as heavy as branches after a storm. - Rebecca Maizel

Seems like Americans just want it to be Halloween all year. The holiday just keeps getting more popular. - Amity Shlaes

We used to go around tipping outhouses over, or turning over corn shocks on Halloween. Anything to be mean. - Loretta Lynn

The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' - Drew Carey

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Douglas Coupland

Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask, while others finally feel safe to take theirs off. - Steve Maraboli

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place. - Emily Dickinson

Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. - Simon Sinek

Instead of doing cinnamon, nutmeg, and all those baking spices I'll have one spice that's for sweets, and that's pumpkin pie spice. - Sandra Lee

The light of a new day always chases the shadows of the night away, and shows us that the shape of our fears is only the ghost of our own minds. - Terry Goodkind

I love the scents of winter! For me, it's all about the feeling you get when you smell pumpkin spice, cinnamon, nutmeg, gingerbread and spruce. - Taylor Swift

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien


Redneck Fire Alarm

Camel Photobomb

One

Amish Smart Car

This Rocks

Arch Support

Tired Of Snow

Drowning Danger in the Dead Sea

World Peas

Tired Truck

Harmacy

Redneck Cotter Pin

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Guitar Scooter

1947 X-ray Machine

Grouchy German

Knock Hard

Economy Flight Plan

Canadian Car Crash

Recipe Holder

Seuss Army Knife

Dustpan Waterfall

Pita Pan

Drum Kit Chandelier