#1 humor site on the 'net

Perfect Girl

She could be waiting right underneath a bus sign

Perfect Girl thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Love begins at home. - Mother Teresa

Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Nobody's perfect. - Some Like it Hot

All real men love to eat. - Marlene Dietrich

Love me and the world is mine. - David Reed

Love is being stupid together. - Paul Valery

Live from Love - not for Love. - Unknown

Hate the sin, love the sinner. - Mahatma Gandhi

Love is a grave mental disease. - Plato

It is good to love the unknown. - Charles Lamb

Admiration, like love, wears out. - Marquis de Vauvenargues

Where there is love there is life. - Mahatma Gandhi

Love is a friendship set to music. - Joseph Campbell

Manners are love in a cool climate. - Quentin Crisp

I love stretching myself musically. - Liz Phair

Those whom the gods love grow young. - Oscar Wilde

True love stories never have endings. - Richard Bach

In the race for love, I was scratched. - Joan Davis

Love all, trust few. Do wrong to none. - William Shakespeare

Falling in love is so hard on the knees. - Aerosmith

Love has no age, no limit; and no death. - John Galsworthy

American cheese is the perfect soft taco. - Wylie Dufresne

We are most alive when we're in love. - John Updike

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

The love of evil is the root of all money. - American Proverb

It is not love that is blind, but jealousy. - Lawrence Durrell

In tennis, a love match is always possible. - Unknown

I love the smell of rain and growing things. - Serina Hernandez

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. - Bible

I know of only one duty, and that is to love. - Albert Camus

Never go on trips with anyone you do not love. - Ernest Hemingway

Afflicted by love's madness all are blind. - Sextus Propertius

Speech is the vestibule to the palace of love. - Jami of Persia

The only abnormality is the incapacity to love. - Anais Nin

Sloppy success is better than perfect mediocrity. - Alex Mandossian

Love your enemies, for they tell you your faults. - Benjamin Franklin

A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous. - Coco Chanel

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The art of love is largely the art of persistence. - Albert Ellis

Love is what you've been through with somebody. - James Thurber

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Love is an exploding cigar that you willingly smoke. - Lynda Barry

A Canadian is somebody who can make love in a canoe. - Margaret Lally

There is not love of life without despair about life. - Albert Camus

Love your enemy - it will scare the hell out of them. - Mark Twain

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. - H L Mencken

Where there is great love, there are always miracles. - Willa Cather

Though I love my country, I do not love my countrymen. - Lord Byron

Love. Of course, love. Flames for a year, ashes for 30. - Giuseppi di Lampedusa

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve. - Ring Lardner

When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece. - John Ruskin

No one is perfect - that's why pencils have erasers. - Unknown

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - H L Mencken

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

Love is friendship set on fire. Hate is friendship burned. - Jeremy Taylor

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein

Only love can be divided endlessly and still not diminish. - Anne M Lindbergh

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

Love: An ocean of emotions surrounded entirely by expenses. - Thomas R Dewar

Traveling in the company of those we love is home in motion. - Leigh Hunt

Don't marry a tennis player - love means nothing to them. - Joan Rivers

I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love. - Frank O'Hara

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never. - Charles C Colton

Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness. - Euripides

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius

Love is most nearly itself when the here and now cease to matter. - T S Eliot

Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move. - Jackie Mabley

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. - Bob Hope

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. - Vladimir Nabokov

One who marries for love along will have bad days but good nights. - Egyptian Proverb

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves

Who marries for love without money has merry nights and sorry days. - Scottish Proverb

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. - Brendan Francis

A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect. - Chinese Proverb

I would love to voice an animated penguin or platypus at some point. - Jack Falahee

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

I love men, not because they are men, but because they are not women. - Queen Christina of Sweden

I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you. - Paulo Coelho

The greatest hockey player who ever lived: Bobby Orr, and I love him. - Donald S. Cherry

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

A man is often too young to marry, but a man is never too old to love. - Finnish Proverb

I don't want to live - I want to love first and live incidentally. - Zelda Fitzgerald

Give me Caviar Kaspia and give me a hamburger. I love the two extremes. - Michael Kors

It's hard asking someone with a broken heart to fall in love again. - Eric Kripke

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today. - William Allen White

But I always think that the best way to know God is to love many things. - Vincent Van Gogh

No one but a woman in love ever sees the maximum of men's greatness. - Anais Nin

Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself. - Andre Breton

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane. - Mark Twain

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. - Charles M. Schulz

I love to just work with new people in general. It's always really fun. - Emma Roberts

Don't be so much in love that you can't tell when it's raining. - African Proverb

That's love, giving everything, sacrificing all without hope of return. - Albert Camus

I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. - Roy Croft

Love is whatever you can still betray. Betrayal can only happen if you love. - John le Carre

To love what you do and feel that it matters - how could anything be more fun. - Katharine Graham

On stage I make love to twenty five thousand people; and then I go home alone. - Janis Joplin

Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive. - Havelock Ellis

He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love. - St. Basil of Caesarea

The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace. - Mahatma Gandhi

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

Would that thy love, beloved, had less trust in me, that it might be more anxious! - Héloïse d'Argenteuil

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know? - Ernest Hemingway

All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head. - Unknown

Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen

I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart. - Alice Walker

Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it. - Henry David Thoreau

When love is your greatest weakness, you will be the strongest person in the world. - Garman Wold

Anger begets more anger, and forgiveness and love lead to more forgiveness and love. - Mahavira

If you love deeply, you're going to get hurt badly. But it's still worth it. - C S Lewis

I might love my e-reader, but I'd never pass up the chance to browse real books. - Nichole Chase

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy

I love surfing more than cricket. It's more interesting and you meet great people. - Hansie Cronje

Tease: A girl who is always thinking of a man’s happiness, and how to prevent it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I still believe that love is all you need. I don't know a better message than that. - Paul McCartney

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

I love extreme sports, I like snowboarding and motorcross and rollerblading and hockey. - Jeremy London

I'd love to sell out completely. It's just that nobody has been willing to buy. - John Waters

Real love is a humble receptivity of a silent heart that is prepared to melt and merge. - Banani Ray

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. - Jackie Mason

It isn't how much we do, but how much love we put into what we do that really counts. - Mother Teresa

I'm tired of praise; and love is very sweet, when it is simple and sincere like this. - Louisa May Alcott

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. - Buddha

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice: You can be right or you can be happy. - Ralphie May

When you are looking at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know. - Charley Benetto

Earth's the right place for love: I don’t know where it's likely to go better. - Robert Frost

I love you the more in that I believe you had liked me for my own sake and for nothing else. - John Keats

The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being. - Tom Robbins

I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin

It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. - Kin Hubbard

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. - Anais Nin

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. - Bill Cosby

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. - Rita Rudner

Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. - Maurice Chevalier

Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke

I love eating sushi and eating raw and clean - no pasta and bread. Low carbs is what works for me. - Christine Teigen

The greatest happiness love can offer is the first pressure of hands between you and your beloved. - Stendhal

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. - Bible

The core of true success is love. And that includes loving yourself enough to take care of yourself. - Zig Ziglar

The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough of is love. - Henry Miller

Gratitude is a twofold love - love coming to visit us, and love running out to greet a welcome guest. - Henry Van Dyke

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Being in love first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. - C S Lewis

If people did not love one another, I really don't see what use there would be in having any spring. - Victor Hugo

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino

I tore myself away from the safe comfort of certainties through my love for truth; and truth rewarded me. - Sylvia Ashton Warner

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says when he's in love, drunk or running for office. - Shirley Maclaine

The time I burned my guitar it was like a sacrifice. You sacrifice the things you love. I love my guitar. - Jimi Hendrix

Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness. - H Jackson Brown, Jr.

The best portion of a good man's life are the little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love. - William Wordsworth

The opposite of love isn't hate - it's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care. - Marcia Cross

But you cant shut everyone out. I mean you have to have someone to love... someone to hold on to... someone - - Hubert Selby Jr.

Practice mercy and forgiveness throughout as a lesson that symbolizes the love shown through his crucifixion. - Unarine Ramaru

The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. - Margaret Atwood

Even in the midst of life's adversity, struggle or strife, love's enduring presence remains steadfast. - Eleesha

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

What's the earth with all its art, verse, music, worth -
Compared with love, found, gained, and kept? - Robert Browning

Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. - Hawkeye

I married for love. But the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored. - Cameron Esposito

I love solving puzzles, I love finding my way around obstacles, and I love learning new things about technology. - Kevin Mitnick

This is what the Lord asks of you: only this, to act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly with your God. - Bible

Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. - Joseph Addison

There is an endearing tenderness in the love of a mother to a son that transcends all other affections of the heart. - Washington Irving

The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us. - C S Lewis

The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you. - Brandan Behan

Whoever said love is blind is dead wrong. Love is the only thing that lets us see each other with the remotest accuracy. - Martha Beck

Sensitive love letters are my specialty: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. P.S. I'm gay." - Homer Simpson

It's tangible, it's solid, it's beautiful. It's artistic, from my standpoint, and I just love real estate. - Donald Trump

Three of the most difficult phrases people can't say:
1. I love you
2. I'm sorry
3. I don't know - Joe Segal

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent

This is one of the miracles of love: it gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted. - C S Lewis

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. - Lucille Ball

What I love the most about surfing is that it's my first love. It's the first thing I can remember being consumed by. - Stephanie Gilmore

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love. - William Shakespeare

There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment. - Sarah Dessen

My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite. - William Shakespeare

I can't promise that I'll be here for the rest of your life, but I can promise that I'll love you for the rest of mine. - Unknown

Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley

Life can be magnificent and overwhelming - that is the whole tragedy. Without beauty, love, or danger it would almost be easy to live. - Albert Camus

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. - Judith Viorst

Praise or blame has but a momentary effect on the man whose love of beauty in the abstract makes him a severe critic on his own works. - John Keats

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

There is no perfect solution to depression, nor should there be. And odd as this may sound, we should be glad of that. It keeps us human. - Lesley Hazelton

Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.) - Dorothy Parker

I love writing for women. The willingness to go from laughter to tears in a moment is the greatest palette you can paint with as a writer. - Michael P King

The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor

I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker

I'll love you, dear, I'll love you till China and Africa meet and the river jumps over the mountain and the salmon sing in the street. - W H Auden

Isn't it ironic? We ignore the ones who adore us; adore the ones who ignore us; love the ones who hurt us; and hurt the ones that love us. - Unknown

Animals are like little angels sent to earth to teach us how to love. They don't get angry or play silly games. They are always there for us. - Whitney Mandel

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. - Pele

The process of falling in love at first sight is as final as it is swift in such a case, but the growth of true friendship may be a lifelong affair. - Sarah O Jewett

Forgiveness is the best form of love in any relationship. It takes a strong person to say they're sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive. - Yolanda Hadid

Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There's no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving. - Gail Tsukiyama


A Woman Named Five Horses

Vegan Dentist

How To Conserve Gas

Rolling Shoes

How Twins Are Made

Cool Reading Room

Poor Lifetime

Be GarFul

Tooth Ferry

Ready For Rabbits

Ecosystem

Plumber's Night Light

Can I Lick The Bowl

Redneck Shelves

Google Classic

In Touch Today

Delicious Grief

Amplified Beer

How to Twerk at Work

$383.00 Paint Job

Wine Time Finally

Scooter Hearse

Thailand Ferry

Hard Hat Safety