Misdirected Faucet

Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra. - WC Fields

Bacon is duct tape for the kitchen. - Unknown

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Experts should be on tap but never on top. - Winston Churchill

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out. - Phyllis Diller

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. - Harry S Truman

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber. - Albert Einstein

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. - Woody Allen

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom. - Robert Millikan

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

I always had a fantasy of being a chef, because I like kitchen life. - Geoffrey Rush

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on. - Louis L'Amour

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. - Ambrose Bierce

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

What is a family except memories? Haphazard and precious as the contents of a catchall drawer in the kitchen. - Joyce C Oates

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Whenever I have a spare second, I'm in the kitchen whipping up a batch of cookies. I make a mean batch of chocolate chippers. - Karlie Kloss

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner