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Meet Your Future Ex-Wife

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Meet Your Future Ex-Wife thanks to Chris Johnson

QuotaBills
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

The bridge to the future in the phallus. - D.H. Lawrence

Your past does not determine your future. - Nido Qubein

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

The greatest danger to our future is apathy. - Jane Goodall

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

The future is hidden even from those who make it. - Anatole France

Never make forecasts, especially about the future. - Samuel Goldwyn

He that fears not the future may enjoy the present. - Thomas Fuller

Hindsight. It's like foresight without a future. - Kevin Kline

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. - Steven Wright

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. - Unknown

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable. - Seneca

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

Where there is no future before a people, there is no hope. - Edward Wilmot Blyden

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Our faith in the present dies out long before our faith in the future. - Ruth Benedict

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. - Dean Acheson

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

A revolution is a struggle to the death between the future and the past. - Fidel Castro

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

I'm a big laser believer - I really think they are the wave of the future. - Courteney Cox

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life. - George Burns

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. - George Carlin

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

I object to people running down the future. I intend to live the rest of my life there. - Charles F Kettering

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

That man is prudent who neither hopes nor fears anything from the uncertain events of the future. - Anatole France

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

One day you'll find someone who doesn't care about your past because they want to be your future. - Unknown

The error of the past is the success of the future. A mistake is evidence that someone tried to do something. - Unknown

I'd hate to be an alcoholic with Alzheimer's. Imagine needing a drink and forgetting where you put it. - George Carlin

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future. - Sydney J. Harris

I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is. - Donald Trump

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

If I advocate cautious optimism it is not because I do not have faith in the future but because I do not want to encourage blind faith. - Aung San Suu Kyi

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


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