Laxative Cream Pie

Mamogram: A telegram to Mom - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Pumpkin pie fixes everything. - Unknown

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? - Phyllis Diller

My mom had a very difficult childhood. My childhood. - Cindy Marzahn

Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square. - Unknown

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. - Heloise Cruse

God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done. - Unknown

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austen

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

If I didn't have you as a mom, I'd choose you as a friend. - Unknown

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe. - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Housework is work directly opposed to the possibility of human self-actualization. - Ann Oakley

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie? - Lisa Loeb

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold. - Jody Defries

A recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation. - Madame Benoit

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left. - Herb Caen

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. - Carl Jung

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. - Erma Bombeck

My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it. - Dottie Archibald

You really don't need to study how to change a diaper. As a new mom, you learn pretty darn quickly! - Ivanka Trump

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley

I have an abundance mentality. When people are genuinely happy at the successes of others, the pie gets larger. - Stephen Covey

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. - Bill Vaughan

The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

Over the years, I learned so much from mom. She taught me about the importance of home and history and family and tradition. - Martha Stewart

Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look 'like a tramp' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus