Laxative Cream Pie

Lemon merinj pie - Archie Bunker

Mamogram: A telegram to Mom - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

I got 99 donuts 'cause my Mom ate one. - Unknown

I know how to do anything - I'm a mom. - Roseanne Barr

Housework, if you do it right, can kill you. - Erma Bombeck

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? - Phyllis Diller

Marrying is easy - it's housework that's hard. - Proverb

Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square. - Unknown

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill

A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill

Couch Potato: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it. - Evan Esar

Housework is work directly opposed to the possibility of human self-actualization. - Ann Oakley

Acceptance, tolerance, bravery, compassion. These are the things my mom taught me. - Lady Gaga

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

My mom always said, "You'd rather have smile lines than frown lines." - Cindy Crawford

My nickname is 'Mom', but my full name is 'Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.' - Unknown

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. - Dave Barry

I never know what to say when people ask me what my hobbies are. I mean, I'm a mom. - Unknown

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left. - Herb Caen

My mom always said, "Don't say if I make it", say, "When I make it!" - Mariah Carey

If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. - Robert Brault

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. - Erma Bombeck

My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it. - Dottie Archibald

You really don't need to study how to change a diaper. As a new mom, you learn pretty darn quickly! - Ivanka Trump

Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again, and can take off on your own. - Julia Child

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. - Quentin Crisp

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. - Bill Vaughan

Over the years, I learned so much from mom. She taught me about the importance of home and history and family and tradition. - Martha Stewart

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake