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Laxative Cream Pie

Mom's secret recipe for flatulent dessert

Laxative Cream Pie thanks to Howard Chapman

How she made things interesting while stuck in the kitchen cooking and cleaning while the men sat around watching football

QuotaBills
Pumpkin pie fixes everything. - Unknown

Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. - Ernestine Ulmer

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

Housework, if you do it right, can kill you. - Erma Bombeck

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. - Unknown

Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square. - Unknown

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. - Heloise Cruse

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austen

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill

From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it. - Evan Esar

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. - Dave Barry

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left. - Herb Caen

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. - Carl Jung

My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it. - Dottie Archibald

Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again, and can take off on your own. - Julia Child

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. - Quentin Crisp

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. - Joan Rivers

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. - Bill Vaughan

I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. - Sarah Palin

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why. - Katharine Whitehorn

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus


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