Laxative Cream Pie

Lemon merinj pie - Archie Bunker

Mamogram: A telegram to Mom - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. - Ernestine Ulmer

Housework, if you do it right, can kill you. - Erma Bombeck

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Marrying is easy - it's housework that's hard. - Proverb

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. - Unknown

God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done. - Unknown

Dubm Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill

If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. - Jay Leno

My mom told me a long time ago, 'Never get in a fight with a lady.' - Oliver North

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Housework is work directly opposed to the possibility of human self-actualization. - Ann Oakley

Acceptance, tolerance, bravery, compassion. These are the things my mom taught me. - Lady Gaga

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie? - Lisa Loeb

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. - Dave Barry

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

I never know what to say when people ask me what my hobbies are. I mean, I'm a mom. - Unknown

A recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation. - Madame Benoit

Because: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Once you're a mom, you're always a mom. It's like riding a bike, you never forget. - Taraji P Henson

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. - Erma Bombeck

Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again, and can take off on your own. - Julia Child

Food: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley

I have an abundance mentality. When people are genuinely happy at the successes of others, the pie gets larger. - Stephen Covey

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why. - Katharine Whitehorn

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus

Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly