Laxative Cream Pie

Lemon merinj pie - Archie Bunker

Mamogram: A telegram to Mom - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I got 99 donuts 'cause my Mom ate one. - Unknown

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei

My mom had a very difficult childhood. My childhood. - Cindy Marzahn

Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square. - Unknown

God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done. - Unknown

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill

A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe. - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie? - Lisa Loeb

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold. - Jody Defries

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

A recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation. - Madame Benoit

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

Once you're a mom, you're always a mom. It's like riding a bike, you never forget. - Taraji P Henson

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. - Carl Jung

My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it. - Dottie Archibald

You really don't need to study how to change a diaper. As a new mom, you learn pretty darn quickly! - Ivanka Trump

Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again, and can take off on your own. - Julia Child

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. - Joan Rivers

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. - Bill Vaughan

I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. - Sarah Palin

The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why. - Katharine Whitehorn

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus

Instead of doing cinnamon, nutmeg, and all those baking spices I'll have one spice that's for sweets, and that's pumpkin pie spice. - Sandra Lee

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren