Lampstand Driver

Never insult anyone by accident. - Robert A. Heinlein

Safety doesn't happen by accident. - Unknown

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

Stardom isn't a profession, it's an accident. - Lauren Bacall

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Giving never happens by accident. It's always intentional. - Amy Grant

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

I aimed at the public's heart and by accident I hit it in the stomach. - Upton Sinclair

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

To be born free is an accident; to live free a responsibility; to die free is an obligation. - Mrs. Hubbard Davis

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or fortune but just yourself that kept things from you. - Lillian Hellman

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. - Judith Viorst