Lampstand Driver

Never insult anyone by accident. - Robert A. Heinlein

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

Stardom isn't a profession, it's an accident. - Lauren Bacall

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Giving never happens by accident. It's always intentional. - Amy Grant

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

Happiness is an accident of nature, a beautiful and flawless aberration. - Pat Conroy

I aimed at the public's heart and by accident I hit it in the stomach. - Upton Sinclair

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

To be born free is an accident; to live free a responsibility; to die free is an obligation. - Mrs. Hubbard Davis

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or fortune but just yourself that kept things from you. - Lillian Hellman

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. - Pele

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright