Irish Advent Calendar

Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown

I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy

Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. - Addison Mizner

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan

No date on the calendar is as important as tomorrow. - Roy W Howard

I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart

I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins

I've had Irish skin from the time I was a young girl. - Lara Flynn Boyle

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack

The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

At the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. - Bono

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole

I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery

'Next time!' In what calendar are kept the records of those next times which never come? - Helen Hunt Jackson

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford

I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

The calendar of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out. - Terry Pratchett

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown