#1 humor site on the 'net

In Case of Emergency

Inspirational sign for looters

In Case of Emergency thanks to Roy Turkington

Finding the closest thing at hand during an emergency

QuotaBills
Glass: Chinese marijuana - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm toad-ally a rock star. - Sonali Gupta

Never give a sucker an even break. - WC Fields

Rock Music: Sung in a rocking chair - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Call on God, but row away from the rocks. - Indian Proverb

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

In rock music terms I'm like a dinosaur. - Belinda Carlisle

Reading can seriously damage your ignorance. - Unknown

The shell must break before the bird can fly. - Unknown

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

Never morning wore to evening but some heart did break. - Alfred Tennyson

The tests of life are not meant to break you but make you. - Norman Vincent Peale

A new toy is something a child uses to break his old toys. - Joe-kster

Manufracture: To produce items which break after little use - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass. - David Lee Roth

What's breaking into a bank compared with founding a bank? - Bertolt Brecht

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain. - Emily Dickinson

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

Elvis may have been the king of rock 'n roll, but I am the queen. - Little Richard

Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours. - Homer Simpson

We see through a glass darkly because all we want is to be comfortable. - Ravi Zacharias

Tacks Break: What to give carpet installers to make them more productive - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

The great thing about rock and roll is that someone like me can be a star. - Elton John

The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break. - John Madden

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead. - Tommy Bolt

You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul. - George Bernard Shaw

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

How difficult it is to save the bark of reputation from the rocks of ignorance. - Petrarch

The knowledge from an enlightened person breaks on the hard rocks of ignorance. - Mahesh Yogi

Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock. - Sigmund Freud

You can break that big plan into small steps and take the first step right away. - Indira Gandhi

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. - Raymond Chandler

Everybody talks about rock these days; the problem is they forget about the roll. - Keith Richards

Music has charms to sooth a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. - William Congreve

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekhov

Dear Monday, I want to break up. I'm seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. - Unknown

If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me. - Groucho Marx

Love melts the rigor which the rocks have bred; a flint will break upon a feather bed. - John Cleveland

Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse. - H L Mencken

Anakin, you're breaking my heart! And you're going down a path I cannot follow! - Padme

Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris

Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris

Move fast and break things. Unless you are breaking stuff, you are not moving fast enough. - Mark Zuckerberg

Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big. - George Carlin

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

Hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don't. - Stephen King

People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable. - Simon Sinek

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours. - Eric Idle

I have the ability to build myself up or break myself down. I stay positive. Strength comes from within. - Hayley Williams

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

This time I wouldn't forget him, because I couldn't ever forgive him - for breaking my heart twice. - James Patterson

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. - Scott Adams

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

Rock is so much fun. That's what it's all about - filling up the chest cavities and empty kneecaps and elbows. - Jimi Hendrix

Unbreakable Toy: 1. An object that is indestructible - until a child plays with it; 2. Useful for breaking other toys. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damage awards. - Jodi Picoult

When you live your life by poor standards, you inflict damage on everyone who crosses your path, especially those you love. - Jordan Belfort

With traditional marketing, you tell people you are a rock star. With content marketing, you show them you're a rock star. - Robert Rose

When you're young and you fall off a horse, you may break something. When you're my age and you fall off, you splatter. - Roy Rogers

It's not what we don't know that hurts us, people say. It's what we believe is true that isn't that does the damage. - Melody Beattie

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. - George Carlin

Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon

Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills. - Groucho Marx

It is easy - terribly easy - to shake a man's faith in himself. To take advantage of that, to break a man's spirit, is devil's work. - George Bernard Shaw

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. - Unknown


Odor Detector

Associate Demonstration

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Biden in the Oval Office

Poor Fishing Day

Mustache Breeze

Chain Weave Hairstyle

Jar of Birds

Wheely Unstable

Roman Segway Chariot

Rocky Orders

Snowmobile Races - Get There Early

Pocket Change

Welcome to Texas, USPS

Not Without A Washer

Jogger's Weight Scale

Toilet Snake

Eye Testing In Progress

Parent Signature

Long Bore Gun

Bird Cam

Lost Wormhole

Where Weir'd Frogmen Jump In

Low Ceiling Workout