In Case Of Accident

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

Liquor Store: A stupor market - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp

My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. - Bill Murray

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If God forbade drinking, would He have made wine so good? - Cardinal Richelieu

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison