#1 humor site on the 'net

If You're Looking For A Sign

Look no further if you need a sign from above

If You're Looking For A Sign thanks to Jim Serritella

QuotaBills
Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. - Robert H Schuller

To play billiards well is a sign of ill-spent youth. - Charles Roupell

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. - Terry Pratchett

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it. - Earl Wilson

A round wife and a full barn are the signs of good success. - Amish Saying

A great deal of what we see depends on what we are looking for. - Amish Saying

If you are looking for a fly in your food, it means that you are full. - South Africa Proverb

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

I got something important here to read and sign and I gotta consecrate on that. - Archie Bunker

To be satisfied with yourself is a sure sign that your forward motion has stopped. - Unknown

When a man falls into his anecdotage, it is a sign for him to retire from the world. - Benjamin Disraeli

Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth. - Blaise Pascal

They went into my closets looking for skeletons, but thank God, all they found were shoes. - Imelda Marcos

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean. - Zach Galifianakis

Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength. - Billy Graham

If you are discouraged it is a sign of pride, because it shows you trust in your own powers. - Mother Teresa

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

Those who spend their time looking for the faults in others usually make no time to correct their own. - Art Jonak

It's a sign of age if you feel like the morning after the night before and you haven't been anywhere. - Unknown

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson

Pain is a sign that we are alive. Problems are a sign that we are strong. Prayer is a sign that we are not alone. - Unknown

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling. - Robert M Pirsig

The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori

No sign of pleasure greeted the announcement. The mood in the hall was leaden.
My mood was livelier. Fright is livelier than lead. - Gail Carson Levine

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in. - Casey Stengel

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere. - Zig Ziglar

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. - Albert Camus

When I hear of an 'equity' in a case like this, I am reminded of a blind man in a dark room - looking for a black cat - which isn't there. - Charles Bowen

There is no sign saying 'good Muslim' or 'bad Muslim.' How many lives will be lost or destroyed trying to determine who is good or who is bad? - Pauline Hanson

A sense of humor is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life. - Hugh Sidey

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. - Phyllis Diller

Bozone Layer: The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone Layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on. - Unknown


Bagpipe Runners

9 Months On The Inside

Noah Called

The Mighty Stegosaurus

Get A Dog They Said

Are You Ready?

Down Day

Peddle Sewing Machine Sink

You Never Call

Dawntastic

Work Rules

Navy Golf Course for Aircraft Carriers

Less Severe Inflation

Hotel Annex

King Stump

Diet Carbs

Home Made Limo

Cool Reading Room

Biggest Fan On The Block

Vintage Birth Control

Close Shave

Australian RV

Panorama Dog

Revenue Canada Subscription Cancellation