#1 humor site on the 'net

How To Float

Almost like floating on air

How To Float thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Water rusts pipes. - WC Fields

Out of water, I am nothing. - Duke Kahanamoku

If you pour it they will come. - Unknown

Yacht: a floating box you throw money into. - Unknown

Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea. - Janet Clarkson

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver. - WC Fields

We never know the worth of water till the well is dry. - English Proverb

Droughts are because god didn't pay his water bill. - Steven Wright

People run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water. - Charles Bukowski

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water! - Groucho Marx

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. - WC Fields

Shells sink,
Dreams float,
Life's good
On our boat. - Jimmy Buffet

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

An entire ocean can't sink a ship unless it allows the water inside. - Donna Smith

A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. - WC Fields

When in doubt as to the applicability of a disinfectant, use soap and water. - Martin H. Fischer

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it. - Joan Rivers

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

Sometimes I can only groan, and suffer, and pour out my despair at the piano. - Frederic Chopin

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

If people can just pour into the country illegally, you don't have a country. - Donald Trump

Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on. - Louis L'Amour

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

We should be as water, which is lower than all things yet stronger even than the rocks. - Sioux Proverb

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. - Zen Buddhist Saying

Most whale photos you see show whales in this beautiful blue water - it's almost like space. - Brian Skerry

If the sign on your heart says, "WELCOME", the love will come pouring in from everywhere. - Susan Jeffers

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

Whatever I am offered in devotion with a pure heart - a leaf, a flower, fruit, or water - I accept with joy. - Bhagavad Gita

I keep looking for one more teacher, only to find that fish learn from the water and birds learn from the sky. - Mark Nepo

Be ruthless about your calendar - stick to it, hell or high water but create space for unstructured time as well. - Arjun Arora

We're all trying to keep up in this stupid race. But that won't be much fun when we're floating in space. - John Symeou

How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry


Exit Door

Handicap Motorcyclist

New Canada Bill

Staff Teeth

Funnel Farm

Buffalo Prod

Meat Pie

Where Nobody Speeds

A Fish Called Wanda - Uncut Version

Point Of View

Good Conductor

Kelp Us!

Croc Lunge

Tree Awning

Oversize Load

Redneck Spoon

Cheating

Be Very Quiet

Quick Rubik's Cube

Window Sundial

Helping Hands

Short On Electricity

Amish Friends

Spiral Roots