Found The Jackpot

Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In wine, there is truth. - Pliny the Elder

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. - Addison Mizner

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar. - Steven Wright

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

Common sense is just as good a critic of the lottery as any statistical breakdown. - Hunter Baker

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

In those days the best painkiller was ice. It wasn't addictive, and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. - George Burns

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison