#1 humor site on the 'net

Fedex Home Delivery

When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight

Fedex Home Delivery thanks to Lucinda Weckstrom

QuotaBills
Love begins at home. - Mother Teresa

Chewie, we're home. - Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Going to the woods is going home. - John Muir

Ideal Guest: One who stays at home - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Heaven is home. Utopia is here. Nirvana is now. - Edward Abbey

I had to sink my yacht to make the guests go home. - F Scott Fitzgerald

Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. - Babe Ruth

If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. - Rumi

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. - Unknown

To be happy in the home is the ultimate result of all ambition. - Samuel Johnson

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. - Confucius

I still close my eyes and go home... I can always draw from that. - Dolly Parton

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are. - Terry Pratchett

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. - Robert Orben

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

Preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known. - Carl Sagan

Tell her I ain't crawlin' home to her with my tail between her legs. - Archie Bunker

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. - Robert Frost

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. - Kin Hubbard

Prophecy: The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. - Ambrose Bierce

Mother is the heartbeat in the home; and without her, there seems to be no heart throb. - Leroy Brownlow

I love cats because I enjoy my home, and little by little they become its visible soul. - Jean Cocteau

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

Look for opportunity. You can't wait for it to knock on the door ... You might not be home. - Jinger Heath

Growing up, I'd just be at home, playing tennis, spending my allowance on an ice-cream truck. - Venus Williams

Liberate yourself today. At work or at home - you don't have to be how others expect you to be. - Elaine Harrison

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

You can go other places - you can live on the other side of the world, but you can't ever leave home. - Sue M Kidd

We can't win at home, we can't win away. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play. - Jock Brown

The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest. - Thomas Moore

A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. - Don Fraser

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

The Bible tells us that Jesus Christ came to do three things. He came to have my past forgiven, you get a purpose for living and a home in Heaven - Rick Warren

Charity is a very personal equation, like we say charity begins at home. It starts with your immediate help in the house: the people who work for you. - Malaika A. Khan


Handicap Porch

Tip Generator

Waiting For Windows To Boot

So Close

Pork Chops

Brazilian Covid

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Nothing Wrong Picture

Cook Ring

Zipperhead

Politicians Be Like

Bridge Uplift

Beach Drag

Do Not Feed The Bears

Does Your Hedgehog Bite?

A Woman's Mind

Spaghetti Starter

Sidewalk Pickpocket

Wing Wedding

Relaxing Surgery

Fish Injuries

Nuclear Waste Truck

Rock Watcher

Frog Waltz