#1 humor site on the 'net

Early Bird

I should have gone to bed earlier last night

Early Bird thanks to Howard Chapman

QuotaBills
Vote early and vote often. - Al Capone

The early worm gets caught. - John Igo

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls. - Bible

I was born a jackdaw - why should I try to be an owl? - Ogden Nash

Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. - J Paul Getty

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise. - Ted Turner

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early. - Red Buttons

The trouble with dawn is that it comes too early in the day. - Susan Richman

Alone and warming his five wits, the white owl in the belfry sits. - Alfred Tennyson

If you get a reputation as an early riser, you can sleep till noon. - Irish Proverb

In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm. - Alan Perlis

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Steven Wright

The early bird would never catch the worm if the dumb worm slept late. - Milton Berle

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. - Benjamin Franklin

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. - Charles Lamb

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day. - George Allen

There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life. - Thomas Henry Huxley

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

It's the Olympics. If you can't get up to swim early in the morning, don't go. - Michael Phelps

Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light. What so proudly we hailed. Of thee I sing. - Archie Bunker

You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown

I learned at an early age that if you are nice to men, you can get anything you want from them. - Natalie Wood

Supporting myself at an early age was the best training for life I could have possibly received. - Lea Thompson

I rejoice that there are owls. They represent the stark twilight and unsatisfied thoughts which all have. - Henry David Thoreau

You find out what you are made of when you have a broken heart. If it happens early and often, all the better. - Isabel Gillies

I don't get off on romantic parts. But I often think if I had had my dental work done early on, well, maybe. - Morgan Freeman

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

What's a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son. - Ben Stein

I was a Democrat for a period of time early on. And then I was also an independent. And then I became a Republican. - Donald Trump

The inauspiciousness of the owl is nothing but the inauspiciousness of the man who thinks that owl is inauspicious. - Mehmet Murat ildan

In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In later years, you fight because you do. - Joan Didion

He respects Owl, because you can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right. - A. A. Milne

I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house-top. - Bible

Well enough for old folks to rise early, because they have done so many mean things all their lives they can't sleep anyhow. - Mark Twain

Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

The family should be a place where each new human being can have an early atmosphere conducive to the development of constructive creativity. - Edith Schaeffer


Making Music Together

Back Asswards

Tent Peg Setup

Fang Treats

Model T Snowmobile

Skinny Puddy Tat

Redneck Cocktail

Drug Dog Search

Vice Grip Handles

Nouveau Riche

Triple Bypass Burger

Hyphenated Names

Indian Fish Pond

Lunch Anyone?

Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Giraffe Lunch

Bathroom Celebration

Tennis Ball Retriever

One

Tonsil Ring

Brew Haul-her - 12 Brewskies At A Time

Anon-y-moose

Redneck Beer Opener

Greek Monk