#1 humor site on the 'net

Early Bird

I should have gone to bed earlier last night

Early Bird thanks to Howard Chapman

QuotaBills
The early worm gets caught. - John Igo

History is a vast early warning system. - Norman Cousins

Early in the morning when the crows cock. - Archie Bunker

Early Rising: Triumph of mind over mattress - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I must confess, I was born at a very early age. - Groucho Marx

Buy low, sell high, collect early, and pay late. - Dick Levin

I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls. - Bible

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise. - Ted Turner

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

Alone and warming his five wits, the white owl in the belfry sits. - Alfred Tennyson

If you get a reputation as an early riser, you can sleep till noon. - Irish Proverb

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Steven Wright

Most of the early part of an actor's career, you do the jobs you get. - Jack Nicholson

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead. - James Thurber

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. - Jean-Paul Sartre

What happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates. - T S Eliot

One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age. - Danny McGoorty

From an early age I understood that cooking was never going to be a job, it's a passion. - Gordon Ramsay

You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown

Early on, if I was alone two or three nights in a row, I'd start writing poems about suicide. - Jack Nicholson

I think the shocking thing to discover is the owls are not stupid and very feral, very hard to train. - Robbie Coltrane

Sunsets are great. Sunrises are a mixed bag. You either got up way too early or went to bed way too late. - Matt Dillon

I rejoice that there are owls. They represent the stark twilight and unsatisfied thoughts which all have. - Henry David Thoreau

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. - Franklin D Roosevelt

I don't get off on romantic parts. But I often think if I had had my dental work done early on, well, maybe. - Morgan Freeman

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

Do not trap yourself into an owl's hooting sound
Where sad nights linger through the blackness of a hound - Munia Khan

Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable. - Maya Angelou

What's a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son. - Ben Stein

I was a Democrat for a period of time early on. And then I was also an independent. And then I became a Republican. - Donald Trump

Let early education be a sort of amusement; you will then better be able to find out the natural bent of the child. - Plato

I will be deafer than the blue-eyed cat, And thrice as blind as any noonday owl, To holy virgins in their ecstasies. - Alfred Tennyson

If only I'd known that one day my differentness would be an asset, then my early life would have been much easier. - Bette Midler

There's an upside to grandparenthood. You play, you give, you love, then you hand them back and go to an early movie. - Billy Crystal

Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To win back my youth... There is nothing I wouldn't do - except take exercise, get up early, or be a useful member of the community. - Oscar Wilde

The family should be a place where each new human being can have an early atmosphere conducive to the development of constructive creativity. - Edith Schaeffer

In New York, everybody looks great and is well dressed, but seeing someone in Ohio wearing Marc Jacobs is like spotting an owl in Central Park. Rare. - Isabel Gillies


Pocket Change

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Welcome to Texas, USPS

Not Without A Washer

Jogger's Weight Scale

Toilet Snake

Eye Testing In Progress

Parent Signature

Long Bore Gun

Bird Cam

Lost Wormhole

Where Weir'd Frogmen Jump In

Low Ceiling Workout

Dog Diner

Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Cow Farts

Revenge

Gaping Hole Costume

Redneck Water Skiing

Harrison Ford

Plenty of Room for God's Creatures

Aussie Selfie

Pyramid Kiss

Piano Door Bell